


The Day We Felt The Distance

by baeconandeggs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bullying, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 00:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6831571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The nine times they fall apart and the one time they fall back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day We Felt The Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from this song. I'm so sorry that this is such a mess TT I might have deviated from the original prompt a little and I'm sorry if this wasn't what op wanted :-( I had a great time writing this, even if I really struggled with it towards the end and I apologize for the rushed ending and any mistakes in general. Also a big thank you to those who have listened to me whine over this over the past few months especially towards the end <3

1\. Things like this happen when you have too much time to think.

It had really been a sudden realization more than an awareness that something has been going wrong for a while, but once it was made known to Chanyeol, he couldn't stop realizing how obvious it actually was.

They barely even talk already--all they do is greet each other when the other gets home, converse briefly over takeout before they go to sleep. Even with their bodies right next to each other and their limbs tangled, their hearts seem to be getting further away somehow.

 

Chanyeol spontaneously offers to cook lunch for Baekhyun just to test it out.

Packing the food neatly into two separate lunchboxes--one for himself, one for Baekhyun--he takes his apron off after he's done. Baekhyun isn't up yet, else his feet would've led him to the kitchen already. Chanyeol is just about to start pouring cereal and milk into bowls for breakfast when Baekhyun suddenly rushes out of their shared room.

Spotting his boyfriend in the kitchen, Baekhyun makes a turn and kisses Chanyeol on the cheek while he struggles with pulling on his tie. He groans in frustration and Chanyeol offers to help him with it instead, even if he knows Baekhyun's just going to end up pulling it off once he starts work anyway.

"Good morning, cute. Where are you going?"

"Heading for work. Emergency. Why can't people keep themselves safe?" There's a frown on Baekhyun's face, and Chanyeol smiles softly as he reaches out to smooth his thumb over it, promptly stopping his boyfriend from getting more wrinkles.

"Stay safe," and Baekhyun's rushing to the door after humming an affirmative, Chanyeol shouting out as he puts on his shoes hastily.

"Wait! I made lunch for you. Take it to work, since you can't have breakfast and you're always skipping lunches because you're too lazy or forget about them." Handing the packed food over, Baekhyun takes it and gives Chanyeol another kiss, promising him that he'll see him later.

Chanyeol goes to work as usual, immersing himself into reading the countless documents he has. The interview for the promotion he has been aiming for for the past year or so is next week, and he can't afford to screw this up. This would not only mean better pay, but it could contribute to his plan of moving him and Baekhyun to a nicer place once they have saved enough money--which does not seem to be anytime soon, but the promotion could speed it up.

However, Chanyeol is also well aware that he would also be getting busier as he climbs up his company's ladder. More than work, he'd have to attend more parties to socialize, forge some good relationships with the more important people in his industry. That'd mean less time with Baekhyun, but only temporarily. He's sure that once the workload stabilizes, apart from having to attend events, he'd have enough time to spend with Baekhyun. But that'd also take some time.

Chanyeol sighs, combing his fingers through his hair again, careful enough to not mess it up. Opening his lunchbox up, he digs into his meal, pushing the thoughts aside for later.

Even though he woke up earlier to make it, he honestly didn't cook up much of a feast at all. Baekhyun wasn't one with a big appetite, so Chanyeol tried to make what he liked in a sizeable portion, one that didn't require too much time or effort to eat, since he knows that Baekhyun will be busy.

He did try out a new recipe for the omelettes that Baekhyun loves though, adding mushrooms and even cheese into it instead of the usual few ingredients. There was the meat too, that he hoped did not taste too bad, seeing as how he didn't marinate it for as long as he usually did. When Chanyeol ate it, it tasted fine, but of course Baekhyun might find it different.

Honestly it was only an experiment, but that doesn't mean Chanyeol's still not excited about packing Baekhyun a lunchbox--which is a pretty small thing, but he figures it could be a big step towards packing lunches for his boyfriend. This way, Baekhyun wouldn't have to suffer from gastric pains because he forgets to eat lunches anymore.

"I'm home," Baekhyun announces. Chanyeol is relaxing against their couch, long legs propped up against the edge of their coffee table.

"Hey," he replies offhandedly before he returns to switching channels again, trying to find something to watch.  
It isn't until Baekhyun is done showering does he settle down next to Chanyeol, a comfortable warmth at his side.

"How was the lunch today? I couldn't do as much as I wanted to, so I'm sorry if that didn't manage to make you full enough or something," Chanyeol says, keeping his eyes on the screen. There is silence for a few moments--apart from the people talking on television--and Chanyeol wonders why Baekhyun is taking so long to reply.

"Lunch? Oh. The tofu was nice. You should try making that again some time. I liked the fish though." Wait, _what?_

"Ah, I'll keep that in mind," Chanyeol swallows. His heart seizes upon the realization of what might have happened. He needs to get out of here. "Do you still want to watch the television? I'll be sleeping first."

"Yeah, just keep it on," Baekhyun is still perusing through a lifestyle magazine, and Chanyeol manages to make his way to their shared bedroom without too much noise.

There was no tofu or fish at all. Baekhyun clearly hadn't eaten what he had made, probably hadn't even peeked into the container at all. No wonder he had taken so long to reply, Baekhyun had been trying to come up with a lie. Chanyeol wonders which stray animal would be so lucky to find a thoughtfully prepared meal after it was thrown into the dustbin.

 _At least he made the effort to lie_ , Chanyeol comforts himself as he pulls the blanket over him. He hears Baekhyun turn the television off and shuffle towards the bedroom before he falls asleep, heart still hurting.

//

Baekhyun had brought the packed lunch to work, delighted that he wouldn't have to make his way down to the staff canteen or bother his other colleagues to buy food back for him. Baekhyun never tells Chanyeol about this one thing enough, but Chanyeol is a really good cook. He prefers to show it by polishing up the plate whenever Chanyeol does get down to the kitchen.

When lunch rolled around, Baekhyun sat himself down on the chair in his office, lunchbox in front of him. Chanyeol had even thought to pack utensils with it, and he makes a mental note to suffocate his boyfriend with his love when he reaches home later.

Just as he was about to lift the cover of the first container though, Joonmyun suddenly came rushing in, looking horribly calm despite his dishevelled hair and heaving chest.

"Baekhyun. A fire broke out in some building in Gangnam, more than 150 people are injured, we need you. Now." 

Having been left with no choice but to leave his food behind, Baekhyun immediately set his chopsticks down and grabbed his coat, hastily putting it on while he walked alongside Joonmyun.

"50 or so people have been sent to this hospital, and around half of them are more severely injured, while the others have scrapes or burns." By the time he was done briefing Baekhyun about the situation, they had reached the level where all the people were. There were people coughing everywhere, some slightly covered in soot. Nurses were rushing around trying to take care of the patients, and Baekhyun's eyes went blur as he tried to figure out what is happening.

"Take care of the ones who are still waiting." Joonmyun left after patting him on the back, having been called off to check for a pregnant lady, who was also a part of the people who were sent here. He immediately made his way towards the people who were still sitting on the waiting chairs, attending to them while he hoped that the nurses would come around soon.

By the time Baekhyun got to sit back down in his office, it was already seven p.m., which meant that it's close to time for him to knock off and head home. It wasn't until his stomach growled when he saw the containers in front of him didhe remember that he actually had packed lunch... that he forgot to eat. Baekhyun groaned. When he last sat down here, it had been around two p.m. He doubts that the food is still edible, anyway.

Sighing, he threw the food out on his way home, hoping that Chanyeol wouldn't ask about it. If Chanyeol did, he'd probably have to lie about its contents. Baekhyun hoped that he would get at least one of the dishes correct, if he does have to. It's not that he favoured lying to Chanyeol, but he doesn't want to disappoint him. Telling a white lie is better than telling him where his food went, right?

Baekhyun hesitated, when Chanyeol actually asked about the meal he never ate, and he wondered if it would be better that he cooked up an excuse to retire to the bedroom earlier and avoid the question altogether. But he figured that that has a higher possibility of upsetting Chanyeol, so he decided against it.

 

Seeing as how Chanyeol hadn't openly questioned him about answering with tofu and fish, Baekhyun guesses that he made the correct choice. Then, he inwardly mourns the fact that he didn't get to taste his boyfriend's delicious cooking today.

Not that he will ever know that it wasn't the tofu and fish he missed, but his favourite dishes that he so mindlessly threw away.

2\. Baekhyun hadn't thought that it was possible to miss someone who is right next to you.

But that is exactly what he is doing as he gazes at Chanyeol's sleeping face, a slight frown on his face as he wonders.

There is work tomorrow- later, and he definitely shouldn't be up in the middle of the night thinking about his relationship and how it's sort of... failing?

Not that that really matters. Not that anything really matters.

//

It is then that it dawns on him--he never really expected this relationship to fail at all.

Baekhyun supposes Chanyeol is someone he wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life with; they know each other like they know the back of their hands, and they have already spent a good amount of years together anyway.

They would probably have a simple wedding ceremony instead of a grand wedding since none of them enjoy the concept of having a grand wedding and inviting lots of people, and they might move apartments once they save enough money. Homemade food will still be a luxury given the amount of time they spend in their respective workplaces, but Baekhyun supposes all couples run into problems. They have their own fair share, and it is how they solve the problem that determines whether they are able to continue on.

He knows that Chanyeol dreams of having little children run around their house, and that he'd be more than willing to clear out his study room to make space for their children to sleep in.

All this sounds so plausible, that it had Baekhyun assuming that they'd follow through with achieving and getting whatever they want relationship wise; never once had he entertained the thought of something causing the relationship to snap, and hence _fail_.

And maybe it is ridiculous, considering that all things come to an end. It's not like he should live with the expectation of breaking up with Chanyeol one day, but the fact that he never even entertained the thought of it, the possibility of something so horrible happening is suddenly crashing down on him. The word _fail_ is really scary right now.

Pulling out his phone, Baekhyun pulled up the search engine and promptly typed _how to save a failing relationship_ in it. He knows from experience that Internet articles aren’t the most trustworthy ones, but he thinks they’d still be better than having him go to their friends. 

Opening the first article he sees, he decides that some things might be worth the try, after all.

//

Baekhyun gets reminded of how they started out.

They hadn't gone through the conventional way, definitely--if there is one at all--because all they knew about each other before this, was where the other liked to be touched, how one could get the other off the fastest.

That is not to say that they weren't close, since they hung out with the same group of friends, they just weren't the closest. Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun liked pop music almost as much as he liked Chanyeol's dick, and Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol loved his guitar, probably as much as he loved Baekhyun's smooth hands.

They stayed innocent in front of their friends, for the most part, but nothing can go unnoticed for long, not when you have at least four more pairs of eyes looking at you and everything you do.

Pizza was always the best choice when the group was unable to decide on what to eat, seeing as how it was the cheapest--college students would know--and most convenient. There was a great pizza place near their campus, and no one could say that they were too lazy to walk there because well, it was only a three minute walk away.

Repeating everybody's orders except for Baekhyun's, Chanyeol had called a waiter over before his friends could even stop him to remind him that he had left Baekhyun out.

"Hey, you forgot to ask Baekhyun for his order." Jongdae said, brows raised because Baekhyun was just _right beside_ Chanyeol, his side somewhat pressed up against Chanyeol's because of the lack of space, making it pretty difficult for him to forget his presence.

"Oh. That's because we're sharing one. He likes pepperoni too." Now that's a first.

"...Even I didn't know that. How did you know?" It was Baekhyun's turn to lift his brows this time, an unimpressed look on his face. He had literally grown up with Jongdae, and half of that long sixteen years of friendship was probably spent eating. That brat.

"Uhm. It was a lucky guess...?" That got the entire table staring at the way Chanyeol's hand rubbed against the back of his neck, a telltale sign that he was lying. Not that Baekhyun knew. Things were getting awkward. How could he tell his friends _hey, we've been fucking around for a few months now, and he knows pepperoni is my favourite because we almost regularly order it after a few rounds of great sex_?

That didn't stop a weird feeling from settling in Baekhyun's gut, though. So Chanyeol had bothered remembering that fact. Maybe he should start paying more attention to what Chanyeol liked too, out of sex, of course.  
(He already knew that the taller liked Rilakkuma, judging from the bunch of plush toys he had by his bed--which made up part of the reasons why they fucked in Baekhyun's bed more often--and he even had Rilakkuma _boxers_ , for pizza's sake. Baekhyun wouldn't be surprised if he suddenly pulled Rilakkuma condoms out of nowhere and requested that he fuck Baekhyun with them on. Oh, there's also the fact that he tended to hog the blanket when he sleeps with someone else.)

Baekhyun almost opened his mouth to thank the waiter when he suddenly arrived with their orders, causing them to drop the topic in favour of filling their stomachs. He definitely didn't miss the look Jongdae gave him though, one that clearly said _we'll talk later_.

 

It was definitely bad, when Baekhyun was perking up every time he heard keys jiggle and the sound of the door opening, when he looked towards the door and hoped that the person was Chanyeol. It was also plenty weird, considering that Chanyeol shared the dorm with him and Jongdae ( _sadly_ ) and Luhan, so it would be normal for him to come home. Baekhyun was being abnormal by being excited about him coming home.

His shoulders drooped significantly, and he returned his attention to the television screen when he finds out that was only his best friend, Jongdae.

"Hey," he greeted, sounding dead.

"Did your favourite ddeokbokki stall close down? What's with your face?" Jongdae walked into his room to set his things down and returned to the living room when he was done, plopping down onto the couch by Baekhyun's side.

"Nothing, I'm just tired," Baekhyun replied, faking a yawn as if to emphasize his point. Jongdae left it at that, and Baekhyun was glad he didn't probe any further.

A few minutes after Jongdae had returned, there was the sound of keys jiggling again. A smile was instantly formed on Baekhyun's lips upon seeing a familiar tall figure come into view, guitar slung around his back.

"Hello," Baekhyun greeted, sounding significantly brighter than when he had greeted Jongdae. His best friend was unable to keep his frown from turning into a look that was a mix between amusement, anger and confusion.

Chanyeol returned the greeting before disappearing into his room. Baekhyun mentally pat himself for doing a great job of distracting Jongdae whenever he tried to question Baekhyun later on.

 

Nothing escaped Kim Jongdae's eyes. Especially not the way Chanyeol tightened his arm around Baekhyun protectively when the crowd around them got bigger on a busy Sunday evening in Myungdong. Families and couples were everywhere, and Jongdae was stuck with having to keep his head up to make sure he didn't lose his friends, even though he had Sehun by his side. Damn Luhan for being off playing video games with Jongin. Now he's stuck being a third wheel along with Sehun, who seems to have no idea what is happening.

(Jongdae had told Luhan what he had gathered so far, and they have Operation Pepperoni going on, where they are determind to know what exactly was making Baekhyun giggle whenever he received a text. It was the same giggle that he gave after Chanyeol returned his _hello_ and all they could see was Chanyeol's backview. Jongdae had to lean over to make sure there wasn't anything weird or funny going on along the corridors because then he'd have to be more wary when he got out of his room for his midnight pee session.

Plus Chanyeol was always off in Baekhyun's room for hours at one time. The door was always locked, and they're doing god-knows-what inside.)

 

Jongdae nudged Sehun's side. Maybe the boy might know something. "Is there something going on between the two of them?"

Sehun schooled his face into a deep frown--even deeper than his default one--and shook his head. After a long pause, "Not that I know of."

Something was definitely going on.

 

Weeks later saw Sehun sitting down between a pair of very determined people by the name of Jongdae and Luhan.  
"Tell us. Confess Chanyeol's sins now. Or we'll expose yours," Luhan threatened while Jongdae simply nodded in approval. It was a little difficult to be scared off by a face that only looked cuter when Luhan frowned.

"I don't have any sins for you to confess." Sehun had simply said, and both Jongdae and Luhan had to resist the urge to groan.

"I know who Luhan and Jongin are interested in, if that information is juicy enough," Jongdae whispered, hand covering his mouth so that Luhan couldn’t read his lips. He had been tasked with ordering for all three of them, and the menu now seemed more interesting to him anyway. Sehun's eyes widened, and he instantly cleared his throat.

"I know nothing much though."

"But you still know something, right? It's better than absolutely nothing."

"Uh... they are fucking? That's all I know." Setting the menu down, Luhan looked up, an obvious look of surprise on his face. Sehun suddenly felt really proud of himself. 

Jongdae quickly took Luhan's hand and got up, to leave and discuss things about this new piece of information, probably. But not before throwing a _it's you!_ , over his shoulder, leaving Sehun to wonder what that might mean.

 

Jongdae and Luhan return back to their dorm only to find Baekhyun and Chanyeol nowhere in sight. The door to Baekhyun's room is locked, though. They sighed and turned the television on.

Baekhyun didn't know what Jongdae and Luhan had been up to, only glad that they left the dorm to Chanyeol and Baekhyun more frequently now.

A crook of his fingers had Chanyeol letting out a sharp gasp. Baekhyun grinned.

Leaning in, he busied himself with kissing at the expanse of skin that was left for him to worship while he continued pushing his fingers in and out of Chanyeol leisurely, revelling in the soft sounds he'd make. Chanyeol had tried whining and lifting his own hips to set the pace himself a few times, but he knew from past experiences that it would be useless. Baekhyun would set a hand on his hip, applying a gentle but insistent pressure to let him know who is in charge. As much as he didn't like it--which wasn't a whole lot, really, there was something weirdly hot about Baekhyun when he's being dominating--he listens, setting his hips back down on the mattress.

The slow jabs at his prostate weren't doing anything much to help the fact that he needed to come, and he wanted to come with Baekhyun in him. Baekhyun could be an asshole when he wanted to be. Despite knowing that the reaction could be negative, Chanyeol still tried.

"Baekhyun," he starts, letting out a particularly dirty moan when Baekhyun pressed down on his prostate. His cock gave a twitch and Chanyeol wanted to look down at it and say _I know_. "I need you. In me," Chanyeol waited for Baekhyun to look up before he continued, making sure he held his gaze as he spoke. "Now."

That seemed to do the trick, as Baekhyun made to pull his fingers out of Chanyeol's ass, leaving one last kiss pressed to the column of his neck before he ran a slick palm over his own cock, taking a few moments to relieve his arousal for a bit before Chanyeol kneed him in the ass as his way of telling him to hurry the fuck up.

"Okay, okay, princess." Baekhyun said as he lined his cock up with Chanyeol's entrance.

"Don't call me princess when you're about to-- _fuck_ ," the long, deep moan Chanyeol breathed out as Baekhyun pushed in had Chanyeol hoping that the other two haven't reached home yet, unsure of what they might think, sure of the fact that he would never be able to live it down if they figured things out.

The flush Chanyeol sported from his neck down looked so pretty, Baekhyun was unable to hold hinself back from running his hands down, leaving a wet trail of lube behind. He selfishly took his time to stare shamelessly under the excuse of giving Chanyeol time to adjust, eyes raking down Chanyeol's figure--down the pretty neck that was sadly not littered with marks because they were on his chest instead, past the dusky nipples that made Chanyeol extremely sensitive, all the way to the pretty cock that was curved against Chanyeol's belly. Chanyeol was simply beautiful.

It took an exasperated groan and a jerk of said beautiful guy's hips before Baekhyun remembered where he was, beginning to move after he leaned forward.

 

After they finished, they put on their clothes again, walking out of the room after they had sprayed enough air freshener and kept the window open long enough for the smell of sex to be sort of gone, at least.

They walked out, expecting the apartment to still be empty. They'd be able to get some time to themselves and eat as well.

But a glance into the living room shows two guys sitting around lazily, Baekhyun hated that Jongdae knew him so well sometimes, really.

"Why are you wearing each other's clothes?" 

They both stopped.

What does Jongdae even mean by each other’s clothes? Baekhyun had been wearing his favourite white Supreme hoodie before Chanyeol came into his room and decided sitting on his lap and messing around with him was better than finishing his assignment-- _oh_. The hoodie he was wearing now was black, with some sort of pattern on it that looks ridiculously like what Chanyeol wore before they'd decided to rid his clothes in favour of getting more exposed skin to kiss at. When he looks over at Chanyeol, all he sees is Chanyeol wearing his hoodie. It was sort of fitting on him, given that it was oversized for Baekhyun, and he just wanted to coo at how cute it was, his friend with benefits wearing _his_ clothes. 

Wait. Chanyeol is his _friend with benefits_. How could Baekhyun have forgotten?

"Uhm. Well. We were, uh, doing some mini fashion experiment and after we took off our clothes we accidentally wore the wrong one back?" Both Jongdae and Luhan's eyebrows disappeared beneath their fringe. Baekhyun just wants to find a hole to crawl into now.

"Because you'd totally mix up colours like _black_ and _white_... right," said Jongdae. Baekhyun hoped Chanyeol's big hoodie would be big enough to swallow him whole and take him, take him away, so that he wouldn't have to deal with this.

He couldn't even explain why he felt like he had just got caught in the act of doing something bad, when he and Chanyeol were simply fooling around behind their friends' backs. They had wanted to keep it a secret because they were sure it would be a purely physical relationship. Who would have known that Baekhyun would suddenly find the way Chanyeol's ears flush when he's embarrassed cute?

Fortunately, something happened on the television that caused Luhan to suddenly cheer, startling Jongdae. They returned back to watching their soccer game, and Baekhyun tried not to heave a sigh in relief, walking over to them with a hand clutching at the hem of Chanyeol's-- _his_ \--hoodie.

//

The cafeteria was crowded, and Baekhyun once again found himself holding onto the hem of Chanyeol's shirt as the taller walked around, looking for their usual table amongst the big crowd.

Jongdae had noticed that Baekhyun had been doing that frequently nowadays. It's like he was _holding onto a dog leash and walking his big dog_ , Luhan would quip in. It didn't seem like it was a conscious act, but it was cute enough that Jongdae had decided to just let him continue doing it instead of calling him out on it on the spot. It's not left out in the list of things Jongdae had to ask him about though.

Chanyeol moving over had been a more recent thing, even though it was probably after he and Baekhyun started messing around.

"Chanyeol had been coming over pretty often before he moved in, but all he seemed to do was spend time in your room. Now that he has moved over, he seems to be spending even more time there. Are the two of you planning a world revolution or something?" Jongdae tried to casually bring the topic up, see if it could get anywhere.

Just then, Sehun made his way over to sit next to Luhan, a tray of food in his hands. Picking up an apple, Sehun immediately bit into it as he looked at everyone, trying to pick up on what's going on in the conversation.

"Nope. He has just free access to my room and my bed."

"He has free access to your room and your bed? That _I,_ your best friend, do not have?"

"It's for studying purposes!" Baekhyun immediately said, defensive. "Only for the studying purposes."

Beside Jongdae, Luhan suddenly looked up from his salad and asked. "Who studies on a bed though?"

Jongdae shrugged. Baekhyun had a feeling he wasn't going to like Jongdae's answer to that question.

"Chanyeol, apparently. He studies human anatomy there, I bet." Both he and Luhan snickered, high fiving each other for the good joke, whereas Baekhyun and Chanyeol could only swallow. Everyone knew Chanyeol was a Business major--which he took because he sucked in Science. They glanced at each other, both equally scared about someone like Jongdae finding out.

"It was because Sehun and Jongin kept fooling around--you know those sounds don't really provide a conducive environment for studying," Baekhyun felt like he was digging a bigger hole the more he explained, but he couldn't risk any of them getting the wrong idea--which would actually be correct because they _were_ fooling around--or finding out.

Jongdae was too busy with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who were busy trying to get themselves out of this hole that Baekhyun had so gracefully dug for the both of them, to notice that Luhan's head immediately whipped over to look at a Sehun who was trying his best not to meet his hyung's eyes.

They really did study though, just not as often as they would clear the bed so that they could make out, definitely. The concentrated frown on Chanyeol's face was so attractive Baekhyun just had to kiss it.  
Thankfully, Luhan announced that it was time for his next lesson and got up to leave, distracting everybody from the current topic as they waved him goodbye.

Below the table, Baekhyun's hand reached over to squeeze Chanyeol's thigh, as if he was asking for help. To which Chanyeol helpfully responded with a squeeze to his hand, that Baekhyun interpreted as _I don't know_.

//

"Spill." Jongdae slammed his hand down on the table with such force that some other people in the cafe turned around to look at them. Baekhyun wondered if that hurt.

"What is up between you and Chanyeol?" He hoped he had a more substantial answer for the question, but what's up between them is usually their dicks--Baekhyun isn't sure if Jongdae wants to know about it though.

"I don't think you would look so happy to see him come home if he was only your fuck buddy." Now he and Luhan have their backs leaned against the backseat of their chairs, arms folded as they fixed their gaze on Baekhyun. Could people really wither under stares?

Sagging his shoulders and curling further into himself seemed to be Baekhyun's best try at withering, not even bothering to ask Jongdae where he got that information from. Chanyeol had probably told someone, unlike Baekhyun who had really kept his mouth shut about this.

"We aren't together, though," was all he could manage, the admission making him feel horrible. And he didn't even know why--maybe it was the fact that they'd probably never be anything more, or that they could one day become less than just friends with benefits.

"Then do you like him?"

"I don't know," was Baekhyun's honest reply. They were never horribly estranged to begin with even when they were not close--not that they particularly are, now--but he’s never had a lot of time to think about that, not when he spends most of his time studying, eating, and making out with Chanyeol.

3\. If Baekhyun's been waking up to an empty bed, Chanyeol has been returning home to an empty house.

They used to wake up and get out of the house at the same time, they used to get coffee before work together. But over the years, especially after Chanyeol got that promotion he's been eyeing and Baekhyun got transferred to A&E, Chanyeol has started to wake up earlier. Baekhyun's work hours started to become irregular because emergencies always happen at the least expected times. Chanyeol has already stopped counting the amount of times their plans got ruined because Baekhyun suddenly had a case to tend to.

Chanyeol can't say that he minds a whole lot, because it's his job to understand as a boyfriend, right? Being a doctor has never been easy, and it will never be. Chanyeol has seen Baekhyun struggle since med school, and he knows that not every case is going to be easy to handle, at least not from the way he’s seen Baekhyun come home all grumpy because of some particularly troublesome patients.

He just doesn't know if Baekhyun is able to understand like he does.

Recently, Baekhyun has taken to picking up their old habits of having short before-sleep talks, or so they call it. That was when they were still trying to get to know each other better. After six years of being together--even if half of that was spent being friends--almost everything has already been said between them, which is why they stopped doing it some time ago. It changed to random lapses back into the past during dinner, or reciting old stories whenever they come across something that reminds them of it at random times of the day.

During one of the more recent talks, Baekhyun expressed his desire for Chanyeol to be home for dinner.

"You're never home for dinner when I am anymore. I miss eating with you."

"That's because your dinner times aren't regular, Baekhyun. I could come home at seven p.m and you'd still be worrying over a fractured bone or something. Plus you skip dinner sometimes, don't you?"

At that, Baekhyun looks up from where he was using Chanyeol's arm as a pillow, guilt written all over his face. "...Sometimes! Only sometimes."

The guilt is replaced with a sheepish smile, and Chanyeol responds with a disapproving look. "You know what I'm going to say already, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Work is important but take care of yourself first. Eat your meals on time, blah blah blah. I know all these already, Granny Park."

Baekhyun earns a flick on his forehead, and the conversation quickly dies down after that, leaving Chanyeol to think about what Baekhyun has said.  
It is true that they haven't been able to have dinner together in a very long time, but instead of Chanyeol not being home, it's about Baekhyun being too tied up in the hospital.

//

It was another one of the days where they manage to get out together, which was rare especially since Baekhyun's transfer to the A&E. Even if he knew his way around the department, he still hasn't adjusted to the tense environment much, and that usually ends with him coming home only to immediately drop himself onto their couch.  
The cafe was crowded like how it would be any other morning, but they manage to get to ordering pretty quickly despite the amount of people in the queue.

Standing close to a corner to avoid being jostled around, the two of them make small conversation while waiting for their drink. Baekhyun shared funny stories of how people end up in the A&E--that even the patients themselves laugh at--and Chanyeol listened, laughing because it's funny. Having Baekhyun next to him like this, after spending too many mornings of ordering and drinking coffee alone, made him a lot happier.

"There was once where--oh, wait. Excuse me while I go outside to pick up this call?" The cafe was getting noisier, and Chanyeol almost missed it when the barista called out his name to get his drinks.

Thanking the barista, Chanyeol turned around to walk out, ready to make his way towards Baekhyun, who was still on a phone call.

Finally managing to squeeze his way out, Chanyeol approaches Baekhyun, who had just ended his phone call, now looking around as if he was looking for something.

"Hey Baekhyun--"

"Hey Chanyeol. I'm really sorry but I have to go now. An accident just happened and one of the victims might have a punctured lung--" Baekhyun gets on his toes to kiss Chanyeol on the cheek when a cab pulls over. So that was what he was looking for.

"See you when I get home, baby!" Standing there, looking after the cab drives away, Chanyeol held the two drinks in his hands, positively speechless.

Chanyeol walked towards his own car after he was done staring, his shoulders sagging in obvious disappointment. He was prepared to deal with Baekhyun's obnoxious singing in the car today, he had even gotten his favourite radio stations down and was ready to switch to them had Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol would even join in if he knows the song, and they'd have fun before they had to report to their respective dreaded work places.

Now none of that is going to happen because he's the only one in the car right now.

Setting the drinks down, Chanyeol pulls his phone out because he had felt it vibrate earlier. Chanyeol opens up the messaging app to a picture of a pouting Baekhyun in his doctor's coat, familiar background of the A&E behind him.

_from baekkie: [image attachment] i'm really sorry :c_  
_from baekkie: the other doctors had another accident to deal with :cc_

Chanyeol sighs. Of course work is more important. But even his disappointment is not enough to overshadow the flutter of his heart at his cute boyfriend's face. Well, at least Baekhyun bothered. He knows how Baekhyun can get when he's working--he doesn't even respond to Chanyeol's voice sometimes. Chanyeol knows it because he's learned to deal with it back when they were students. 

_what do I do with your coffee though? I can't drink caramel macchiato,_ replied Chanyeol, even though he thinks Baekhyun already knows that. He had even called Chanyeol a weirdo for it.

_from baekkie: ah... give it to someone maybe?_

_from baekkie: i'm still really sorry :ccc i'll make it up to you sometime, i promise!!_

Pulling up the gears for his car, Chanyeol drives off to work after pulling on his seat belt.

He had never seen his secretary smile this widely until he handed her Baekhyun's unwanted coffee saying that he bought it for her, even though he wasn't even sure if she drank coffee in the first place.

//

"Let's go out on a date soon," Chanyeol suddenly announces. Baekhyun looks up from where he was scrolling through a news website and looks at Chanyeol, eyebrows raised.

"We haven't been on one in a long time." After saying that, Chanyeol promptly buries his face into Baekhyun's side, mouthing around and blowing raspberries into the skin there. Baekhyun giggles and squirms away because it tickles, and he puts his phone away to push himself down to join Chanyeol from where he was previously resting against the headboard of their bed earlier.

"Sure, where should we go?" Baekhyun faces Chanyeol, smiling kindly as he reaches out for his hand. Chanyeol doesn't want to feel too hopeful, but at least things seem to be starting to move in the correct direction already. They have been talking more since this whole I-think-we're-falling-apart-but-I-don't-want-to-lose-you thing happened, and now Baekhyun is even agreeing to stop saving lives for a day to go out with him. So far, so good.

"You've always wanted to go on a picnic, right? We haven't managed to go on one before, even though we've been together for like... six years."

"It's three, Chanyeol."

"I know, but everyone had been calling us _the_ couple even before we were together anyway. I remember Jongdae calling us grossly domestic because of the way I cook breakfast for you and we wash and wear each other's clothes--"

"Mhm, you made a nice person to room with. Jongdae was probably just jealous."

"You too. Remember how we used to spend time digging around for your notes just because you couldn't be bothered to organize them? And we'd make an even bigger mess out of the existing one--"

"--and I'd end up sweeping everything onto the floor so that I'd be able to sleep in my bed again. Yes, Chanyeol, I remember that." Chanyeol has this grin on his face, and Baekhyun knows that Chanyeol's teasing him, but he can't stop himself from smiling along, too.

"You can't escape this time, though. You're going to cook with me." Baekhyun groans as Chanyeol pulls him closer with an arm, as if he was saying _you're mine_ instead of talking about food.

//

During college, Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol drink more Red Bull than actual water. It's really unhealthy, but every time Baekhyun starts to go on about how _Cause of Death: Red Bull_ sounds really unmanly, Chanyeol would just brush him off and tell him he's only doing this because he needs to stay awake to study.

They had just moved in together, and Baekhyun was still trying to get used to all the scans of brains and meetings he has to deal with for his work. Chanyeol didn't seem to be having a lot of problems with adjusting to his workplace though, but that's probably because Chanyeol has always been more adaptable than others are.

Baekhyun has noticed, how almost no one situation has ever been able to throw Chanyeol off. Hell, there was once when he got dragged off the hallway because a photography major needed a model and he seemed _handsome enough for the job_. The photographs turned out great despite Chanyeol's lack of experience at modelling and the like.

Sehun's words had obviously stroked Chanyeol's ego somewhere, and that's how they became friends. Whenever Chanyeol brings the incident up, Sehun would brush it off as the biggest mistake of his life, and Baekhyun likes to say that that was because he wasn't around, so Chanyeol was the next best choice. Sehun would agree with Baekhyun just for the sake of teasing Chanyeol, and they'd share a victorious high-five at Chanyeol's defeated look.

Then, he would pout and argue that Baekhyun looked more cute than handsome, and hence it wouldn't have made a difference whether he was there or not.

Either way, the main point is that Baekhyun has almost never seen Chanyeol consume something remotely caffeine, which is weird, because it has already been four years since he has met Chanyeol.

This is why Baekhyun was fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he watched Chanyeol take in the surroundings of his favourite cafe. It is also near their current apartment, and that all makes everything better.

"Have you decided what to order?" Chanyeol turns, and Baekhyun looks up.

"Yeah, have you?" At Chanyeol's nod, Baekhyun takes his hand and they move towards the counter.

"One latte," Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol, "and one Americano, please." Raising an eyebrow at him while they pull their wallets out to pay, Chanyeol responds with a cheesy wink.

Even for Baekhyun who drinks coffee more often than needed, he has never wanted to try Americano. Chanyeol seems pretty ambitious, to be ordering black coffee when he doesn't drink coffee all that much. Maybe Baekhyun should have asked him what he wanted beforehand and warned him about the allegedly horribly bitter taste of the drink.  
It was more than a surprise, to say the least, to see Chanyeol actually enjoying Americano.

Baekhyun had stopped, in the middle of pouring his second pack of sugar into his coffee, to take a good look at Chanyeol, who was downing his drink without any sugar. Chanyeol, seemingly having noticed his boyfriend's stare, offered his cup to Baekhyun. Again, Baekhyun has never tried it before.

Hence his face when he took a sip.

He frowned, and for a few moments Baekhyun wondered if Chanyeol actually drank anything at all; if it was actually a joke to make Baekhyun drink it and laugh at the face he'd make. But a peek shows that the cup was nearly half empty already, and Baekhyun gives Chanyeol's shin a kick under the table because he's still laughing.

"Why did you not add any sugar? That thing's too bitter for human consumption." As if to put down Baekhyun's point, Chanyeol promptly raised the cup and drank for a good few seconds from it.

"That defeats the purpose of ordering _black_ coffee, Baek."

//

Sometimes Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol is secretly a caffeine addict.

After the first time Baekhyun had brought Chanyeol to that cafe, the second, third and next few visits were all Chanyeol's idea. Chanyeol seemed to enjoy the coffee, and Baekhyun liked the atmosphere of the cafe, so it was a win-win situation.

Sooner or later, the visits turned into a routine, one which they followed religiously--until Chanyeol was the only one who still had time for it, that is.

Just for the sake of reminiscing, they set out for the cafe before the picnic, baskets of food already in hand.  
"How about you go find us a seat first? I'll order for us." Baekhyun smiled and Chanyeol nodded, turning around to look for empty tables.

Upon reaching the counter, Baekhyun confidently recited what he and Chanyeol used to get. It was amazing, really, how they pretty much drank the same thing everyday without fail.

Chanyeol shoves his phone back into his pocket when he sees Baekhyun approach him with their drinks, sitting up in anticipation.

"Here, your Americano." Chanyeol blinks at Baekhyun, and uncaps the drink to take a sniff just to be sure.  
"I don't drink this anymore," says Chanyeol with a sort of sheepish smile on his face. Baekhyun hadn't been here when he started ordering different things after all, and he didn't tell Baekhyun what he wanted to drink. It shouldn't have been a surprise that Baekhyun would order his favourite--or at least he thought so.

"...You don't? Do you want me to change it or--"

"No, no. Stay here. You don't have to. I can still drink this." Baekhyun sits back down after Chanyeol tugs on his hand to get him to stay, albeit hesitantly. Amidst the surprise, Baekhyun looks hurt. _I shouldn't have,_ Chanyeol thinks.

"Do you want some sugar?" Chanyeol gets up, gesturing over to the condiments counter.

"Nope. I'm fine, thank you."

Chanyeol makes his way there alone and comes back with two packs of white sugar in his hands, and for a few moments, Baekhyun couldn't believe his eyes. Is that really Park Chanyeol, pouring _sugar_ into his _black coffee_? Had he really been spending so little time with Chanyeol that he doesn't even know that his preferences have changed like this?

Sipping from his own drink, Baekhyun looks around the place, trying to think of something to talk about.  
"I've been trying different things from their menu. You should try their mocha some day, it's really good," Chanyeol nods, "when you have the time, we can sit down for another session too. They have tiramisu too—it’s your favourite, right? The tiramisu here is pretty nice.”

Mocha, something chocolatey and sweet. Americano, something bitter as heck, definitely not sweet and takes only certain people to be able to appreciate them. For the first time in his life, Baekhyun thinks that he's like that cup of Americano that Chanyeol is holding.

"Mhm, try them all and tell me what's good then. I trust you, coffee connoisseur Park."

They don't finish their coffee, and instead bring the cups along to the park. There are children running around everywhere, and Baekhyun is glad he chose to forgo his jeans for the sake of comfort. He could almost melt under the sun's sweltering gaze.

 

Chanyeol lays out the mat and pats at a space for Baekhyun to sit at while he takes all the food out from the basket, and amidst the screams of the children and the droplets of perspiration threatening to make their way down his cheeks, Baekhyun is suddenly in love again.

"I love you," Baekhyun blurts out, a big goofy grin on his face.

"Yeah? I love you too." Chanyeol laughs, and Baekhyun is glad that he didn't choose to question why Baekhyun had suddenly said that. It's hard to explain these sudden surge of affections, which don't seem to come around as much as they used to anymore.

They spend their time there not-so-wisely; they simply lay around and eat the food they prepared together, only getting up when they have to--usually to get more food. Sometimes a kid or two wander closer towards where they are, but no one approaches them, and they have fun watching children embarrass themselves.

"What do you think it'd be like if we had a kid?" Chanyeol asks the sky, with his hands behind his head being used as a pillow.

"Don't we already have one? He's right beside me now." Baekhyun immediately regrets his decision to open his mouth when he sees Chanyeol narrow his eyes in a way that definitely isn't because of the sun. He starts to back up when Chanyeol approaches him, but is effectively pinned down as Chanyeol straddles him and digs his fingers into Baekhyun's sides.

They leave the place only after they have finished all the food. The sun is starting to set by then, but the fact doesn't seem to faze them too much, as they pack everything and stuff the basket into the backseat of Chanyeol's car with mumbles of _we'll clean this up later_.

Chanyeol drives over to Gangnam, where they take their time exploring because they rarely get the chance to really go out and see things for themselves. Somewhere in between shamelessly flirting with the aunties to get free food samples in the supermarket and a few roads down from where the car is parked, they find their dinner in the form of ramen in a cozy restaurant.

Baekhyun returns home much happier than when he went out that day--which says something, considering that he was pretty excited to go out, if not only because he had to spend more time with Chanyeol too.

When they cuddle together to battle the slightly chilly weather that's about to come, Baekhyun replays a few scenes of whatever that had happened earlier before he sleeps. And when sleep finally drags him over to the other side, he finds himself recharged with a new burst of hope in the relationship.

4\. Chanyeol's almost the busiest man on Earth.

Or at least, he used to be. Which is weird, considering that he should be getting busier only after the promotions. Now, it seems like Baekhyun is busier, and that means something.

 _Communication,_ or so the article had said. Again, trusting an online article about something that concerns his _lifetime happiness_ is sort of risky, but Baekhyun is nothing if he is not brave. Why else would he have chosen the doctor route and manage to ace his housemanship? He isn't one to brag, usually- but he _was_ the first one to usually volunteer to try something out first out of the entire team.

Anyway, communicating has never been too difficult for Baekhyun. And Baekhyun is sure that's how it is for Chanyeol too. He isn't that sure about communicating with a busy man though. It's like both of them want to sit down and talk, but neither of them are able to catch the other when they are free.

That is one of the reasons why he is doing this, Baekhyun thinks as he hands the letter over to his boss.  
"You want to apply for a transfer to Paediatrics?"

"Yeah." Baekhyun looks away only briefly, then mustering up his courage again. "I don’t think I’m suitable for the A&E department." _I have a failing relationship to take care of,_ he wants to say.

"But you haven't been there for long, what makes you so sure that you aren't going to get used to it?"

Baekhyun shakes his head. He has always prioritized his patients over anything else. Now he wants to be selfish for a little. He graduated with the want to keep working in a hospital instead of opening up a clinic and specializing in something. They transferred him over only because they were short of people and he was the only one without a specialization. Since then, more new people have joined and the department is no longer short of people, and while they could really use Baekhyun's help, it is time for him to take his leave now.

"I just know." Baekhyun purses his lips, hoping that the director would let him off easy for just this once, let him be selfish for just this once.

"Are you sure you've thought this over?" A firm nod, and the director sighs. "Alright then. I'll notify the Paediatrics department. It should take about a week before you can transfer over, you know, with the making of a new roster and all."

Baekhyun tries not to look too happy about being able to transfer out of A&E, but he smiles nonetheless, thanking the director before taking his leave.

//

With the transfer comes a little bit more time on his hands now that his working hours are actually _regular_.

Sometimes Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol feels it too. How they are starting to break apart, slowly but surely. Baekhyun doesn't even know when it started, he only knows that he doesn't want things to end. Unless Chanyeol does. Baekhyun might love him, but that doesn't mean that he's going to selfishly hog Chanyeol against his will.  
With the transfer, it means that Baekhyun is actually home for dinner now, only that it's a little late. It's like when they just started working again, what with them trying to arrange their schedules to fit each other. 

Chanyeol comes home with takeout, mostly, because they are both too tired to cook anything. Baekhyun tries to cook some omelettes or soup sometimes though, tries to help with whatever he can.

Today, Chanyeol came home with fried chicken, and Baekhyun had flung himself at the taller because he had been craving for it for the past few days. _it's like you can read my mind_ , Baekhyun says, excitedly, as he takes the bags over from Chanyeol and goes to set the table. Chanyeol could only chuckle--that fact has been proven to be true quite a few times before.

"How has your work been?"

"My work? Nothing much... still the same. Sehun recently became famous though." Reaching out for another drumstick, Chanyeol laughs at the memory. Baekhyun has his eyebrows raised. "How so?"

"Aparently he was fooling around with one of the other workers in a room--Luhan? Or something--and he somehow ended up sitting on the photocopier. People walked into the printing room to find copies of his buttprint being printed."

"I was just about to text him and ask after him recently, guess I don't have to now-" Baekhyun bursts out laughing, and Chanyeol joins in. When Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol's laughing face, with his wrinkles a little more pronounced with the way he's scrunching his face up, his heart skips a beat. It makes his laughter die down, until he's staring at Chanyeol with a wide grin on his face.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Chanyeol eventually stops laughing too, using his cleaner hand to touch his face, feeling around for anything that might make Baekhyun stare at him like this.

"Nothing. You're cute."

"You're gross," says Chanyeol, looking somewhat embarrassed. Baekhyun doesn't even have the decency to feel bad for being responsible for the slight flush that crept up Chanyeol's cheeks.

"What were we talking about again?" Taking a big bite into his chicken, Chanyeol makes sure at least half of it is chewed before he talks.

Instead of returning back to the topic though, they drift off into talking about something else.

Heeding the advices the article gave is really only dealing with one part of the problem at once, not the entire thing. Baekhyun only hopes that by the time he's done fixing the individual parts, the relationship will be whole again.

 

As tired as they are, they find themselves doing this again.

Baekhyun is on his back while Chanyeol pounds into him with all the finesse he doesn't have, and Chanyeol struggles to keep up with the kisses Baekhyun is trying to give in the midst of all the thrusts. Tightening his thighs around Chanyeol's waist has Chanyeol driving deeper into him, and they both groan at the sensation.  
This is nothing new, this is how they've been doing it since forever, but something feels different, somewhat. Baekhyun just can't point it out.

Pushing his thoughts aside in favour of getting his release, Baekhyun sneaks a hand in between their sweaty bodies to fist his own cock--only to have it pushed away seconds later. Chanyeol pins both his hands above his own head, and Baekhyun is left to desperately lift his own hips to try to meet Chanyeol's thrusts.

When he looks up, he finds that he is unable to read Chanyeol's expression. The furrowed eyebrows could probably mean that his release is close, his hips are quickening in speed too, but Baekhyun has been seeing the same expression the last few times they did this. Chanyeol probably has something he can't figure out too. But before he is allowed to dwell on the matter, he suddenly sees white, his orgasm hitting him unexpectedly as Chanyeol's cock continues to hit his prostate with precise thrusts.

A broken version of his name is heard seconds later as Chanyeol reaches his own climax, and Baekhyun lets out a soft whine at the feeling of being filled. Chanyeol's arms give in a little and he soon has half his body pressed against Baekhyun's side, his chest still heaving while he tries to catch his breath.

Baekhyun doesn't remember to return to his thoughts before he falls asleep with Chanyeol next to him.

//  
Chanyeol isn't always home for dinner, actually. But that's fine by Baekhyun, because he isn't too.

Halfway into the second week of being transferred over, he realizes that he is dead wrong about Paediatrics being a less stressful department.

One thing he realizes though, is that the doctors over there are happier, somewhat. It probably comes from the children. Sometimes Baekhyun finds himself smiling when he thinks about his patients too.

It's the weekend, and Baekhyun finds himself shopping for groceries in a nearby supermarket with Chanyeol pushing the cart beside him.

"You know, actually we don't need all these. We barely even cook anyway." Baekhyun scrunches his nose cutely when he looks at all the things they have in their cart, most of it vegetables and meat. Chanyeol only smiles and leans in to give Baekhyun's nose a bop with his own.

"We need them. For today. I'm going to cook us a feast. And you, my dear Baekhyun, will be my trusty helper." An arm is slung across Baekhyun's shoulder then, and Baekhyun can't find it in himself to complain about the weight of it because Chanyeol is purposely resting his weight on him, or complain about the fact that he has to remain in the kitchen too.

 

After they are done shopping for the ingredients of whatever Chanyeol had planned on cooking, they move over to the snacks aisle and decide that an extra amount of exercise (read: bedroom activities) could be done, if it means getting to eat more chips.

The cart is mostly full by the time they move to line up for the cashier, and Baekhyun suddenly remembers something.

"Wait! Wait for me here, okay? Don't pay yet." With that said, Baekhyun ran down the candy and chocolates aisle, leaving a confused Chanyeol behind hoping that the people in front would take more time.

When Baekhyun comes back, it is with a few bags of sweets and chocolates.

"You're going to get cavities from all that, Baek." Chanyeol chuckles, pushing the cart forward as the person in front moves up.

"These aren't for me. They're for my kids." Baekhyun grins, and before Chanyeol has a chance to question who the _kids_ are, it is their turn to pay.

The kitchen isn't really Baekhyun's place to be. Sort of like the operating theatre too. The two places both give Baekhyun an unhealthy amount of stress.

They had both moved in with wonderful ideas of getting homemade meals pretty often, given that they didn't expect themselves to be as busy as they were now and that the kitchen was relatively new. It was definitely a new place to Baekhyun though.

Baekhyun had been the kid who helped out with household chores, who had helped to sweep and mop the floor, go grocery shopping--do everything that isn't cooking. The last time he tried, things didn't go so well. He isn't sure if he wants a repeat performance of having black kitchen walls because something burned and sort of exploded too.

"Don't worry, Baek. Cutting things won't give you black walls. Hopefully they won't give us red floor tiles either. Make sure to be careful with the knife!" Chanyeol had said before they began. They were only laying out whatever they needed then, stuffing whatever they didn't need into the refrigerator for future use.  
Baekhyun likes to think that being able to work with a scalpel would mean being able to work a knife, but apparently things don't go that way.

"Watch out!" Chanyeol shouts. Baekhyun jumps at the noise and lifts his head up to narrow his eyes at Chanyeol. 

"Maybe if you stopped scaring me with your voice every few minutes or so I'd be able to lessen the chances of me getting cuts."

Chanyeol smiles sheepishly, leaning in to peck briefly at Baekhyun's cheek. "I couldn't help it. Your fingers looked too close to the blade."

"I might not be able to cook, but I can do this, Chanyeol. I've cut human brains up before, remember?" At that, Chanyeol's face twists.

"Can we please not talk about that while we're in the kitchen? I think I might've just lost some of my appetite."

They manage to get through dinner with relatively little trouble, and Baekhyun almost throws himself over to hug Chanyeol when he tastes the food.

"I love you." Chanyeol laughs and returns the sentiment, and they go back to finishing the meal.

//

Baekhyun honestly doesn't know if he should go for another gathering. Sure, his closer friends are all there, but the last time he went, he snapped at Jongdae.

 _Just come, he already knows he shouldn't have said that anyway_ , Kyungsoo texts, and Baekhyun wonders if Kyungsoo ever feels done with dealing the bunch of them and the irresponsible decisions they make. _He probably does,_ Baekhyun thinks, as he types in a reply to confirm his attendance for dinner that day.  
Well, at least they're having proper food instead of being at a bar. No alcohol is involved, and Baekhyun feels good so far. Nothing should go wrong.

"Where's Chanyeol?" Jongdae immediately inquires after greeting Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo shifts, a hand already tugging on Jongdae's arm as if that could get him to stop. If Baekhyun was feeling shitty enough, he would've snapped and asked Jongdae why he cared so much for Chanyeol anyway, except that it isnt really wrong to ask after where your friend is at all. Also Baekhyun isn't inebriated enough--or _at all_ really--to bristle at the smallest things, so instead he smiles. "He's parking the car. Let's go in first."

They get a table for six, and by the time they manage to take a seat, Chanyeol is walking towards them already. Luhan and Yixing join them before they get their orders taken, smiling at the waiters as they take away their menus.

"So, how has everyone been?" Yixing asks, ever the kind one. His smile is still the same, still friendly and cute with those dimples--Baekhyun would admit that he used to have a small crush on Yixing, not that Chanyeol really knows about it. Not like it really mattered anyway, for it never developed past a small infatuation that didn't last for months.

Luhan and Yixing were already together back then, before all of them were graduated out of college. Now as most of them are moving onto their late 20s, they haven't really broken up still. Baekhyun makes a mental note to ask Yixing about how to deal with Chanyeol another time. They proceed to run off about their own lives, sharing stories and reminiscing their college days.

"The two of you are still cute together," Luhan observes with a somewhat fatherly smile on his face. Jongdae notices the old man wrinkles that show when he grins widely like that, and doesn't hesitate to take the chance to make a jab--"Hyung, you're getting old."

Yixing and Kyungsoo try to hold the two of them back from engaging in a _friendly but physical_ fight just for the sake of it, since it wouldn't be nice to embarrass themselves in the restaurant. Baekhyun only smiles as he watches the scene unfold. If only Luhan knew the problems he was running into recently. If only.

They return home that night fully sober, and Baekhyun feels glad he listened to Jongdae for once. The happenings of the day have finally started to wear him out, and he is pretty sure he doesn't want to report to work tomorrow with a hangover.

Making his way towards the bed after washing up, Baekhyun closes his eyes as he rolls to his side of the bed, waiting for Chanyeol to join him. As tired as he is, he knows that he needs to make the conscious effort to keep this going.

Chanyeol, though, seems to have other plans. It is then that Baekhyun realizes that Chanyeol had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the dinner, even if he had laughed where appropriate and cracked some jokes along the way. When Chanyeol pulls their blankets over them, Baekhyun sees that his eyes are already closing.

Baekhyun figures he could still do it, so he starts to go on about what the children at the hospital have been doing and how cute they are, asking Chanyeol a question Chanyeol had asked him before.

"What if we had kids?" Baekhyun speaks into Chanyeol's hair as he further tangles their legs together.

"Our house would be even more of a mess. We both know how lazy we are." Baekhyun hums, and Chanyeol drapes an arm across his waist to pull him closer. That's true.

Baekhyun's about to launch into another story about how one of his patients always seems so happy despite her condition, when he hears Chanyeol mumble. "Why does A&E have so many children, anyway?"

"I transferred to Paediatrics, Chanyeol." And he opens his mouth again, about to finish the rest of his story and opinions about this one patient, when he hears soft snores come from below him--the telltale sign that Chanyeol has already fallen asleep. He hadn't even realized that he had forgotten to tell Chanyeol about his transfer, seeing as the last time he thought to, he wasn't actually transferred over yet. The hospital always has the right to throw him right back into A&E since there could never be too many doctors to help in times of an emergency.

Baekhyun just sighs, he could bring this up again next time. For now, he settles for closing his eyes and letting sleep claim him.

5\. Baekhyun honestly doesn't know which is worse; not having Chanyeol there, or having Chanyeol there but not spiritually.

It has been happening a little often lately, but he brushes it off as Chanyeol being deep in his thoughts again. People do not seem to think so, given how he used to play as hard as he worked, but Chanyeol is more than capable of having impressive views about even the most mundane things, and is often insightful. The only downside is that he gets quiet because the noise is all in his mind.

"What have you been thinking about?" They lie next to each other, legs crossed as they both stare at the ceiling, close but not close enough.

"How to make this relationship go back to how it used to be. Become even better than it used to be." Baekhyun instantly freezes.

This is the first time either of them had openly brought up the topic like that, and now that Baekhyun is hit with it like a freight train, he is unable to run away from it. _So Chanyeol realizes it too_ , Baekhyun thinks before he mentally reprimands himself. _Of course he did, he's also part of this relationship too, and even the people around them have already realized, how could Chanyeol not?_

In front of him is a wall, one that he can't climb. He might as well face the problem now. "You're trying, I'm trying too. We're talking more than before."

"Yeah, but sometimes that isn't the problem. I don't doubt that you love me at all--and I love you too--but it's because I can't identify the problem that I can't troubleshoot and do things, you know?" Of course Baekhyun knows, that's exactly how he feels, if he were to be truthful to himself. He's just blindly following an Internet article, trying to deal with different areas of a relationship at a time while hoping that he'd be successful in pinpointing the real problem.

"I know, I know. But at least we're starting. It's better than nothing." Chanyeol sighs at that, seemingly having resigned to dropping this topic because it's not like Baekhyun knows too. They sleep with the comfort of knowing that the other is trying-- _sort of_.

//

 _Better than nothing,_ Chanyeol repeats to himself mentally as he turns the steering wheel with a hand. In the passenger seat is Baekhyun, and he's driving him to work. Chanyeol had never offered to regularly drive him to work, but it's never too late to start, he guesses.

Turning up the radio further, Baekhyun is screeching obnoxiously to the songs he knows, and Chanyeol is receiving looks from the people in the cars next to them every time they stop at a red light.

They reach the hospital in no time, and Baekhyun is surprised when he looks at his watch.

"The wonders of having a private chauffeur," Baekhyun laughs, fingers of a hand already wrapped around the door handle as he gets ready to climb out. The car is now quiet, because Baekhyun had graciously remembered to turn off the radio before he leaves, at least.

Chanyeol waves him goodbye, only to blink when Baekhyun freezes with a leg half out of the car.

"We're at the A&E block...?"

"You work in the A&E, don't you?" Baekhyun blinks as Chanyeol blinks right back, both of them equally confused as cars pass by them after realizing that Chanyeol's car isn't going to move anytime soon.

"I transferred to Paediatrics a few weeks ago." Baekhyun's eyes are now downcast, his grip on the door handle loosened visibly.

"...Oh. You never told me. I can send you there now? Just tell me where it is."

The car is now quiet, because Baekhyun had graciously remembered to turn off the radio before he leaves, but it is too quiet. So quiet that Chanyeol had heard Baekhyun's mumble. "I told you, but you had already fallen asleep."

Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun gathers himself again, clears up the awkward air by pretending it isn't even _there_ at all. "It's okay, though. I can walk there myself. I probably need to get some exercise after eating so much these days too. Go to work before you run late. Love you!"

And his boyfriend is out of his car with a wave. Chanyeol is forced to drive away since he is now blocking the narrow road up. He heads for work with a slightly less pleasant mood than he had started out with when he offered to send Baekhyun to the hospital--but not before making sure he knows where the Paediatrics building is, of course.

//

"What's a higher up like you doing in a measly office like mine?" Sehun greets, a corner of his lip quirked up into a small smirk as he teases.

"Shut it," Chanyeol says, picking up one of the paper planes that's on the floor and throwing them in Sehun's direction. Of course, it drops before it could even hit Sehun, though it does land on his table. Chanyeol's near the door, it's good enough.

"Are you free for dinner tonight?" Sehun raises a brow. It's not like Chanyeol doesn't eat with him often, just _not_ dinner. He used to say dinners were him and Baekhyun's bonding times.

"Are you paying?"

 

They find themselves in a regular fast food restaurant, with people staring at how Chanyeol's ordering cheeseburger while wearing a _suit_ , with a _Rolex_. Sehun suddenly feels a little self-conscious.  
They sit somewhere relatively quiet, away from the screeching children and shouting parents, but the loud background music of the restaurant is still playing.

"So, what's the occasion?" Sehun asks, sinking his teeth into the burger with a delighted hum. Chanyeol hadn't been stingy at all when he suggested places to eat, given that he is the one paying, but Sehun thought that he should spare a thought for his hyung's wallet for once and chose this place with an excuse of wanting to eat unhealthy food once in a while.

"Nothing. Just needed a break. And some unhealthy food once in a while."

"Huh, so you still haven't lost your sense of humour to those glasses." It is true that Chanyeol had become more sombre after he had started to work, but that may partly be because he entered the company with a relatively high position too. He was only a fresh graduate, but his qualifications have proved him to be fit for a position like that. But that has its effects too--Chanyeol ended up having to get prescribed spectacles to wear because his eyesight had worsened with the amount of time spent looking at the computer screen, and he became less of the playful, adventure-seeking Chanyeol that he used to be. More of the mature and steady man he is now. Sehun usually dismisses this change as his hyung growing up too quickly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chanyeol laughs, getting that this is one of the times where Sehun _expresses his love_ for him. Or at least that's what Sehun likes to call it.

They proceed on with dinner like they usually do--gossip about the happenings in the office, guessing the potential relationships that could happen even though that is technically prohibited, and discuss the projects that they are both working on.

Chanyeol nods his way through Sehun's occupational jargon, because he has no idea which colour is going to look good with which, or what is able to capture a viewer's attention. Sehun tries not to look at the running children and appear too disinterested when Chanyeol talks about business meetings and project details.  
Then--"How're you and Luhan hyung doing?"

Sehun chokes on the soda that was halfway down his throat already, ears and throat burning at the rest of the soda that went down the wrong pipe after hearing the question. He's just glad the incident didn't spread to anyone above Chanyeol's level. Any higher, and he would have been called in for questioning. He's not interested in having Chanyeol's boss know about his relationship or sex life, thank you very much.

"Fine. He still keeps a few copies of my buttprints though. Don't know what he does with them. I'm just glad the incident's sort of... died down now."

"Died down? I heard someone in my level talking about what a great butt you have just a few days ago." Chanyeol is unable to stop himself from laughing, especially at Sehun's scowl.

"Whatever. It'll eventually be forgotten. I hope." Sehun plays with the straw of his drink, stirring it around with no real purpose of mixing anything. "What about you and Baek hyung?"

At that, Chanyeol stops from where he was sipping his iced lemon tea. Sehun instantly wishes that he hadn't brought it up. He knows nothing about anything that might've happened, so he wasn't expecting his reaction, but from whatever he has right now, it looks like nothing good.

"We're fine. I hope. I think. I guess," Chanyeol sighs, giving Sehun a part defeated shrug.

"What happened?"

"I wish I knew too. We just started growing further apart, and now that we have realized it and are trying to bridge the gap, it doesn't seem to be helping a lot. I'm starting to wonder if we even want this at all, anymore."

 

"Maybe it's time for a break between the two of you? With both of you being busy, I'm sure you two would need some time to themselves to clear their heads. Doesn't help that this is adding onto the list of reason why you need a break too."

"I don't... want a break. You know how easy it is for people to break up after that. I'm too selfish, and I've put in so much for our relationship, so has he--I don't want us to end like this." Picking at a few fries, Chanyeol stuffs them into his mouth. It somehow feels a little better actually saying things out loud.  
Sehun has nothing much more to say after that, having not personally been in this situation before. He offers his place for Chanyeol to stay in should Chanyeol think that he needs a break, and says that he'll be there to listen to Chanyeol if he needs someone. Chanyeol accepts all his offers with a grateful nod, and heads home with a heavier heart.

6\. They used to be inseparable.

It used to be _BaekhyunandChanyeol_ , and where their ends met, new beginnings would branch out. They fit together seamlessly, and were inseparable in a good way. Chanyeol didn't always demand for Baekhyun to be by his side, and Baekhyun didn't control who Chanyeol hanged out with just because he wanted his boyfriend all to himself. They've never lost their own sense of identity just because they were binded together either.  
This was why the people around them--even the people who _weren't_ , but knew of their relationship--could see how well they filled each other up, and were jealous. Baekhyun wants to scoff when he remembers how his friends used to tell him that he or Chanyeol were lucky to be in a relationship like this. He isn't that lucky now.

Thing is, Baekhyun doesn't even know when it started becoming Baekhyun _and_ Chanyeol. More than before, it's like they are together, but they are not _together_. To be able to solve a problem, one must first be able to recognize what the problem is, so that they can work towards it. Medical school taught him that--heck, anybody with common sense should know. So why is he confused as to what the problem is at all?

Chanyeol is someone he sees daily, someone he shares the same bed with. But when it comes to things like this, Baekhyun is suddenly unable to find the end of the string that got cut off, and he is unable to try to stick the ends back together because of that.

Baekhyun might have a rough idea of what is going on, of what is causing this sudden snapping of a string that's causing everything they've built up for the past three years to crumble, but he isn't too sure.

//

"Hey there," greets Jongdae as he extends a hand out to give Baekhyun a friendly slap on his shoulder. After a long day of work, what with him having to help look after another ward because another doctor took the day off, he is finally able to get some rest and properly unwind.

That is what he loves about these meetups with his college friends; he gets to chat and catch up with them while he leans back against a chair, body slowly melting into the seat after he gets comfortable. There's only three of them today, because Chanyeol and the others weren't able to make it.

"They will never be able to, honestly." Kyungsoo gives a soft laugh in agreement, and Baekhyun smiles, raising his hand up to call the bar tender over to order another drink.

"At least I know Chanyeol is busy with meeting a client tonight. Not so sure about the others though."

"Is he picking you up later, then?" Baekhyun looks down at his liquor, suddenly remembering that he might get too drunk to get home by himself. Putting his drink down from where he was sipping it, he shrugs.

"Probably not. He's probably going to end later than us." Chanyeol hadn't offered to pick him up at all. But that might be because he's really busy with a client. Or maybe he just couldn't be bothered to. Baekhyun doesn't know.

"What is he so busy over even?" Baekhyun knows that Jongdae is saying this only because Chanyeol never made it to their last few meetings either, and Jongdae misses his friend. Now that Baekhyun thinks, the reason-- _excuse?_ \--has always been the same.

"He got a promotion. Of course he's going to get busier."

"Promotion? Wasn't that some time ago?" Jongdae's brows crease into an impressive frown, as if he is genuinely confused.

"You know what? I don't know why he is so busy. I don't know anything. I don't even know if I know him anymore, okay?"

Gripping his cup more tightly, Baekhyun is suddenly more sober after his outburst. Jongdae is visibly surprised at his action, and Baekhyun doesn't even want to look at him anymore. He is here to catch up with his friends. They weren't supposed to talk about this, not about their failing relationship--Baekhyun suddenly feels like going home.

Kyungsoo must have seen that little unconscious response of his, because out of the corner of his eye, he sees an elbow moving towards Jongdae's side and Jongdae gives a yelp following that action. Baekhyun loosens his hold on the glass and flexes his fingers, then clasps his hands together. Letting out a breath that he had been holding in, he takes a big gulp of his liquor, speaking only after he has swallowed it.

"I'm sorry." His head lowers in shame. His friends don't deserve this. Baekhyun should really go home.

"Don't be. We're always here for you, if you need someone to talk to." A warm hand suddenly envelopes his own clammy ones, and Baekhyun looks to his right to find Kyungsoo smiling warmly at him. Right. They don't know what happened.

Baekhyun never told anyone about how he isn't sure if the Park Chanyeol he sleeps beside every night is the one he fell in love with, about how he doesn't know if he's enough for Chanyeol anymore. So many things have changed, Baekhyun is sure that he's the only one who has stayed the same. He has tried, for Chanyeol and for himself. For their relationship. But he doesn't see Chanyeol trying. He doesn't want to think about it, but this might be the end.

//

With his temples throbbing, Baekhyun struggles to sit up, eyes squinting as he looks at the time. Chanyeol is still asleep next to him, and his eyes immediately widen when he sees that it is already 8 a.m.

Chanyeol had gotten home later than Baekhyun had last night, and Baekhyun knows only because he felt the dip in the bed when Chanyeol climbed in.

He also felt Chanyeol's slightly chapped lips press against his forehead, and he felt the _goodnight_ that was whispered more than he had heard it.

It's these little things that keep Baekhyun hopeful, but he knows that sometimes it's hope that hurts the most. _Hope is a cruel thing,_ he thinks.

Shaking Chanyeol's arm in an attempt to rouse his boyfriend from his deep slumber, Baekhyun throws their blanket to a side, getting ready to drag Chanyeol off the bed should he really have to. Chanyeol works best when he wakes up by himself. Baekhyun knows he's not the friendliest when someone wakes him up instead.

That doesn't deter him too much, because they are already going to be late for work, and they are going to run even later if they do not hurry up now. Chanyeol seems to be more cooperative after he's woken up today, which is a surprise to Baekhyun. He follows Baekhyun into their toilet and they fight over the tap to wash their faces even though one of them could easily use the one in the kitchen--not like they would.

Baekhyun laughs when Chanyeol messes up the sequence of his buttons of his dress shirt, and in return for helping Chanyeol fix it, he gets a few ruffles on his hair, which messes it up more than anything else. Chanyeol laughs in that deep, throaty voice of his and continues on with dressing up. It's like they've gone back to what they used to be like.

When Chanyeol drops Baekhyun off at the Paediatrics block, he imitates Baekhyun's signature wave of his fingers, and he once again laughs at Baekhyun's unimpressed face upon being laughed at. The laugh makes Chanyeol's cheeks turn up and eyes squint, and Baekhyun thinks that Chanyeol's laugh is the nicest laugh in the world.

And nothing feels better than knowing that he is the one who made Chanyeol smile like that.

At work that day, he offers his children more lollipops than he had before, ignoring the nurses' advice about giving them in _moderation_. Baekhyun does wipe his entire candy stash out that day, but that's also because he had gone over to the other wards to distribute candy to as many children as his stash would allow him to. 

When he returns home though, he _is_ surprised this time. Disappointed as well.

Turning the lights on while he toes his shoes off, Baekhyun pokes his head around the different corners of the house instead of directly calling out for Chanyeol. It doesn't really matter, because either way, no one would respond or walk out. The drop in his heart could almost be physically heard. Baekhyun sighs. He should have known. Just because Chanyeol was nicer today didn't mean that he would make the effort to come home earlier so that they could have dinner together.

Just some time ago, during their before-sleep talk, Baekhyun had silently confessed to missing how they used to make time to eat at least one or two meals together per day. Now that he thinks about it, he isn't even sure if Chanyeol had taken it seriously because he remembers falling asleep soon after that, his legs tangled with Chanyeol's.

"Hey."

Baekhyun visibly jumps, having been so into his thoughts that he hadn't heard the sounds of someone unlocking the door. Backing himself up against the nearest surface only to relax right after, his widened eyes settle on broad shoulders and a tired face. "I got dinner."

A glance at the clock tells him that Chanyeol is home earlier than usual. Or at least after their relationship started...failing, so to speak. Baekhyun didn't doubt that Chanyeol would purposely keep himself occupied in his office to make himself go home later, since Chanyeol had always been one who didn't mind doing hard work. Now, he has made the effort to knock off earlier and return home with food. Would it be wrong for Baekhyun to hope that things are taking a turn for the better again?

A wide grin takes its place on Baekhyun's lips as he hurries to set the table up for dinner while Chanyeol takes off his blazer and tie after setting the takeout down on the dinner table.

They often get linked together for being the noisiest people in their group, but really, Baekhyun is the noisy one. Chanyeol is simply loud. Which doesn't make the fact that Baekhyun is the one doing most of the talking on their dinner table. It's like diving into a nine to five job made Chanyeol more sombre, because he had definitely gotten quieter over the years.

For the most part, Baekhyun doesn't mind, he is content with being able to spend time with Chanyeol like this. Chanyeol doesn't seem to mind Baekhyun's sort of endless chatter as well, and he even interjects with his own stories or opinions sometimes. They fight over the last piece of meat like they used to, but eventually Chanyeol gives in to Baekhyun and lets him have it. Only for Baekhyun to tear the piece into half so that they would both be able to eat it.

That night, they go to sleep at the same time, though nothing much is exchanged, because everything had been said during dinner. Chanyeol holds Baekhyun close to him and Baekhyun curls up further just so that he could press his back back against Chanyeol's chest, like they used to.

7\. Apparently it is.

Things hadn't been too bad after that day where it seemed like Chanyeol had warmed up to him again, but Baekhyun's heart is definitely dropping again, because it feels like they're lapsing back into what they were before that day. Baekhyun wishes that he could say that they were going back to whatever they were before all this started, but no, they are going back to the time when Baekhyun--and he's sure Chanyeol had too--struggled.  
Not that either of them had really stopped. That's how things go, right? Some things don't ever fully go away. You just get better at dealing with it.

Chanyeol shifts a little from where he's sitting on the couch, eyes staring fixedly at the television screen. But even when Chanyeol is not looking, he knows Baekhyun is looking at him. Chanyeol's fidgeting so much, but it's really only because Baekhyun's been staring at Chanyeol for so long, it's getting unsettling. Whenever he looks over to try to meet Baekhyun's gaze, he is immediately met with Baekhyun's side profile instead as he stubbornly looks away. They're never going to be able to talk if this is what is going to happen.

Baekhyun is most likely bothered by something, because the telltale signs are all there. Chanyeol's learned how to tell these signs from years ago, learned how to tell what the hand fiddling with the hem of his shirt means. Right now, Baekhyun is playing with his own fingers, and it's like he's considering something. Chanyeol can only hope that it isn't break up, or something along those lines, because Baekhyun is taking an awful lot of time to make up his mind about this.

And the Baekhyun he knows is not usually like this.

Turning the television off since Baekhyun didn't seem to be interested in watching it anyway, Chanyeol announces that he is going to bathe, and makes his way to their shared bedroom to get his clothes.

He notices movements out of the corner of his eye, and it is only after he enters the room that he realizes that Baekhyun has followed him in. Chanyeol should really take the chance to ask him about it during their before-sleep talk later, where he can sandwich Baekhyun between him and the wall and make him face him so that Chanyeol knows he isn't asleep. Or pretending to be asleep.

Reaching up to get his towel from the top of their shared closet, Chanyeol decides that he'll think about this in the shower. Right as he is about to go, though, he feels a pair of arms wrap around his middle, and then there are lips moving against his shoulder.

"Shower later."

The article mentioned something about intimacy too, and if Baekhyun thinks about it, it is true. Being too busy made not only communication scarce, but they didn't have as much time to physically explore as they used to. Baekhyun doesn't want his sudden increased sexual advances towards Chanyeol to change the dynamics of their relationship, doesn't want to have this relationship end up being purely physical, though he really doubts that it would. Chanyeol isn't interested in things that don't last because he finds short term investments a waste of time.

Baekhyun doesn't want to be a waste of time, so maybe if he initiates this things could start going in a better direction. At least he could say that he tried. They are both trying, really, but nothing seems to be helping a lot.

It has really been long, Baekhyun thinks, as he lets go of Chanyeol so that he can set his clothes down somewhere else. Making his way towards their shared bed, Baekhyun lies back down and spreads his legs, waiting for Chanyeol to take the space between them. Chanyeol is surprisingly reacting positively to this, even if it was sudden, seeing as how he's already lowering his hips so that they meet Baekhyun's, grinding experimentally.  
There is no burning adoration like their first time, nor is he feeling any bursting desire to express his love for Chanyeol through his body like some other times, and Baekhyun wonders if this foreign feeling is really because it has been too long. Sliding a hand into Chanyeol's hair, Baekhyun tugs gently at the brown locks as Chanyeol's head dips down to kiss at his collarbones and jawline.

Baekhyun waits for it, is looking forward to it, but it never comes.

When you experience something too many times, the slightest change becomes obvious to you, or in this case, Baekhyun.  
Baekhyun gives a tilt of his head back, exposing more skin for Chanyeol to kiss at, because he's already starting to move lower without doing what Baekhyun had expected him to do. The hands that are keeping his wrists held above his head are decidedly lighter in grip compared to the other times too.

Chanyeol is treating him like he's something precious, or that he'd break if Chanyeol exerted a little more force, and Baekhyun knows that Chanyeol is capable of so much more. He used to scrape his teeth across skin, bite down eagerly and be careless about the marks he left and where he left them. Even after Baekhyun received feedback about them being _inappropriate_ after his attempts at hiding them fail, he's never really asked Chanyeol to stop.

 

It's like this isn't the old Chanyeol anymore, the old Chanyeol who was more daring. Baekhyun really just wants Chanyeol to be rough with him, but Chanyeol seems to be content with taking things slow. After shedding them of their clothes hastily, Baekhyun hooks a leg around Chanyeol's and flips them over, immediately getting down to what he wants.

Chanyeol lets his hands map Baekhyun's body as Baekhyun pushes two fingers into himself after grabbing the lube, eyes fixated on the way they disappear into him with every push in. Baekhyun doesn't bother with putting up much of a show because there's always a next time for that, so it doesn't take long before he's slicking Chanyeol's cock up. He spares a few seconds to pump at the hard length in his hand, feeling glad that at least Chanyeol's still paying attention to him in some way.

Lining Chanyeol's slick cock up with his own entrance, Baekhyun slowly starts to sink down seconds after, ignoring the firm hands that are trying to subtly push his hips down faster.

Only after he feels comfortable does he move, and Chanyeol seems to get the message that he should not rush Baekhyun already, seeing as how his thumbs started to rub comforting circles into his hips instead.

As much as Baekhyun wants to start out fast, he does not want to limp around when he makes his rounds in the various wards tomorrow. Even though he knows Chanyeol would probably be the first to send him a suggestive grin at home before his friends at the hospital do.

Every raise and fall of his own hips has his breath hitching, and Baekhyun shifts from time to time, breathy moans escaping his lips. Chanyeol's big hands have settled themselves on his hips permanently, and he has propped his feet up for better leverage to thrust back up every time Baekhyun comes down. A quick rhythm is set up soon enough and Baekhyun's head is reeling from all the pleasure he's feeling. Judging from the way Chanyeols voice sounds, he isn't feeling very far from reaching his completion.

This is somehwat what he wants, but it is also somehow not enough.

Baekhyun has never imagined sex to be something boring, because there'd probably be feelings involved--is it boring when there are no feelings in it? Probably.

As of now, the only thing Baekhyun can focus on is how Chanyeol's cock stretches him, how he has finally found that one angle that makes him see stars, makes white explode behind his eyelids for when he finally--comes.  
Chanyeol's name falls from his lips in the form of a broken whine as he collapses forward, not even realizing that his hands had been set on Chanyeol's legs all these while, pressing them down to be able to push himself up. Baekhyun is exhausted, because that had definitely taken longer than expected. He is just about to close his eyes to doze off when he feels Chanyeol shift, feels Chanyeol's cock that is still in him, and is very much still hard.

With a soft groan, Baekhyun pulls himself off to fist Chanyeol's length in one hand, sloppily kissing around his collarbone while he does so.

They fall asleep after Baekhyun cleans them up, just as physically close as before, hearts still yearning even if they are together.

8\. Baekhyun had once learned this thing called the lock-and-key hypothesis, when he had Biology lessons.

An enzyme is the lock and the substrate is the key. The enzyme is supposed to catalyse the substrate into smaller substances, probably more useful ones too. The enzymes have an active site with shapes that are complementary to those of the substrates, so that the substrates can fit in comfortably for the reaction to happen. Any other shape, and the reaction would not start at all.

Baekhyun feels like their relationship is the enzyme, and he and Chanyeol are the substrates. They are only at the stage where the enzyme-substrate complex is formed, which is to say that the reaction has not ended, and the substrates are still stuck to the enzyme, but he is sure of the outcome--or at least _his_ outcome.

The substrates will not leave the enzyme for as long as they stay together, for they will continue changing as long as their relationship lasts, shaped and moulded into new people by new happenings. But he is sure that even though the reaction hasn't ended, he has already become a better person. Chanyeol had taught him how to love, and receive love back without letting his insecurities or anything stop him from feeling loved. They have learnt through fights, and grew up together patching up.

It was really more of an induced-fit hypothesis, really. The enzyme's active site shape had been altered to fit into the substrate's shape, just like how their relationship had changed as they became older throughout the years. Chanyeol had gone from kissing Baekhyun whenever Baekhyun used to say I love you, preferring to show it rather than say it, to someone who says it right back. Baekhyun became someone who has learnt how to stay and be there for someone, having changed from his previous flighty self.

The main point of this reaction is not for them to become more useful, but it is for them to grow up and become better people through each other, with each other. Baekhyun knows that he has become a better person, but that does not mean that the reaction--or the relationship, for that matter--has ended, or is ending. He still has lots of areas to improve in. He can only hope that Chanyeol thinks so too.

9\. Life is cruel, Baekhyun learns. The lessons taught here are the hardest to accept.

There are times when he hates his job, and these times come by more frequently now that he has transferred to Paediatrics--a place where all the angels supposedly are.

Baekhyun loves children, so having to run around with them and play along sometimes isn't the most tiring thing he has to do as a doctor here. He loves his patients especially, those he is responsible for in his wards. What he hates most is when he has to break any bad news to a child's parents, and the reaction he always gets, and the fact that most of them will eventually have to go to some place better, where Baekhyun would no longer be their doctor-in-charge because there, they would be free of all this suffering.

They are all sick when they are sent here, even the children know that, but most of them don't really know what they suffer from yet. They only know that they are sick enough for them to not be able to go to school anymore, and they have to make friends in this new place because they now have to stay here instead of at home.

"Hey, cutie. Why are you looking so grumpy?" Baekhyun sits next to the girl with legs too short to touch the ground, so they dangle off the edge of the bench as she swings them. He can't help but find this cute.

"I don't know any of them," she mumbles softly. Baekhyun recognises her as one of the newer patients that he has, the one with terminal leukaemia. When she was first brought in, her hair had already been shaved, one of the many things one had to sacrifice because of chemotherapy. Joohyun's parents explained that they no longer had the money to pay for her treatment in a private hospital, hence she had to be transferred to a public one.  
He knows that she hasn't really fit in yet, but he never found time to talk to her personally, only knowing about her through her parents.

The children prefer to hang out as one big group instead of cliques, and it was understandable that Joohyun felt frightened by so many people laughing and playing together, not one of them she knew.

"And why don't you know any of them?" Baekhyun says, voice more soothing as he bent down so that he could hear her properly.

"They look so happy together... I don't dare to approach them. They might find me too ugly. The other kids at the previous hospital laughed at me and called me names." Joohyun's legs have stopped swinging, and Baekhyun takes a few moments to come up with a reply before he rests a comparably bigger hand on her shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

"Do you trust Doctor Byun?"

Joohyun nods meekly, and Baekhyun gets off the bench to kneel in front of her so that he could be at her eye level as she speaks. She can't seem to take her eyes off the ground.

"Since you trust me, believe me when I say that none of them will laugh at you or find you ugly. They are all my kids--and so are you, I will not tolerate anyone who tries anything funny here. Look at them hanging out as one big group, does anyone look left out?" She lifts her head to take another look at all the children at that, and even though she doesn't answer Baekhyun, he already knows the answer. It had been easy to get all of them to do things together, more than in separate groups. That is how he makes sure that each kid under him is happy, for they will have friends to rely on.

"Now, do you want to make some new friends?" He smiles and offers a hand out for her to hold, and she takes it, uses it as support as she jumps off the bench. They make their way towards the bunch of children who were playing tag then, and Baekhyun gets them all to gather and listen to what he has to say.

"Kids, meet Joohyun. She's six years old--so yes Soomin, she's your unnie but no, you can't marry her, Jongin--and she likes Pooh." Joohyun looks up at him in surprise, because he hasn't talked to her prior to their earlier conversation before, but all Baekhyun does is wink at her. He has his ways. Somewhere in the crowd, a child immediately perks up at the sound of his favourite animated character. Baekhyun grins. "I know you're excited, Minseok, but let me finish first. She's a little shy, so I hope that none of you scare her too much. Remember to give her space if she needs it, okay? Be nice and welcoming to her."

The moment Baekhyun lets go of Joohyun's hand, even before she could approach any one of the other children to attempt to introduce herself further, the bunch of kids start bounding up to her, all excited to make a new friend. Baekhyun watches Minseok squeeze his way through the other kids, staying close to her while he waits for his turn to speak.

He doesn't step away that quickly, for the crowd seems a little too much for a six-year-old to bear and he needs to be there should they overwhelm her, but he guesses that he didn't need to worry at all. Joohyun breaks out into a soft giggle as Soomin finally gets to speak to the person she had been dying to make friends with, looking nothing like the gloomy self she had been just minutes ago.

Leaving the playground, Baekhyun makes his way back towards his own office to take care of the documents he has on his desk, heart feeling a little warmer.

//

Baekhyun goes home a few days later, mood significantly bad, along with a bad headache. He took the rest of the day off so that he could rest at home, and he immediately climbed into his bed after getting home, curling up and falling asleep.

He did tell Chanyeol about it though, along with telling him to not worry about dinner for him since he can take care of himself at home.

Chanyeol comes home after having eaten dinner, and he finds Baekhyun seated in their kitchen, holding a cup of tea with both his hands as he brought it up to his lips for a sip. He had been unreachable for the entire afternoon, and Chanyeol guesses that that's because Baekhyun went to sleep.

Baekhyun's head is still pounding, the hot tea only providing the slightest of temporary relieves, but he still tries to smile anyway. "Hey, work ended?"

"Yeah. Pretty late. Have you eaten?"

"Not really, but I'll do fine. I'll dig around for something to eat later."

Chanyeol leaves it at that, and he settles himself down on the seat across Baekhyun like he has something to talk to Baekhyun about. Baekhyun doesn't want to think about what those things might be.

Silence lapses between them, this one almost uncomfortable. To think that one could be able to hear a pin dropping when two usually loud and noisy men are together is a little disconcerting. Unsettling, definitely.

Chanyeol suddenly shifts in his seat, and Baekhyun thinks that _oh,_ so this is when he's going to escape and not deal with the problem like what Baekhyun is doing right now. He'd have to thank the person who wrote that Internet article for their suggestions, but they didn't exactly work on him. Or maybe he just didn't go about trying in the correct ways.

But then, he starts talking. "You've been a little quiet recently. You're not usually like this."

Baekhyun's temples have been quite literally _stabbing_ him with an invisible knife, and the silence, coupled with the tension in between them had only been leaving Baekhyun on edge, causing him to be more tense. Now, with that all combined with Chanyeol's accusatory words, he is ready to snap.

"Yeah? You weren't that distant from me either."

Chanyeol looks up at that, and Baekhyun thinks one of the invisible knives that were stabbing at his temples have gone straight into Chanyeol's chest, aimed for the heart.

It's probably not the right thing to say, considering that Chanyeol has been trying, has been putting in his fair share of effort, but Baekhyun can't take his words back now, can he?

"I wasn't the one who suddenly got so busy he didn't have time for us to even get coffee in the morning anymore." Baekhyun's hands tighten around the mug just as Chanyeol's fists clench underneath the table.

"I wasn't the one who _suddenly got so busy_ that he made his office his home, ignoring his boyfriend in his _actual_ home."

The way Chanyeol frowns makes Baekhyun think that he had just twisted the knife, as if the stab wasn't already enough to hurt.

The taller breathes in deeply, before he continues in a softer voice. "So what went wrong? There was a problem, we identified it, tried to deal with it, but why is this happening? Why are we like this?"

Baekhyun wants to scoff. Chanyeol has the audacity to ask that question.

"Why are we like this? Why are _you_ like this!" Standing up abruptly, the chair pushes back a little bit too fast, toppling upon being able to withstand the force that came from the back of Baekhyun's knees. "I have been trying, but nothing seems to be enough--I almost never know if I know you anymore."

Letting go of the mug, the brunette lets his hands rest by his sides, whatever tension that had been in him almost gone by now, now that he has said the words he has so badly been wanting to say. But that didn't make him feel any better.

In fact, it only makes him feel worse, that he is the cause of that weird frown in Chanyeol's eyebrows now, that one he does when he's upset. Chanyeol doesn't even reply, and Baekhyun figures that he has to be the one to say it; he has to say what he had been so afraid to hear just minutes ago.

"I think we need a break," he slowly breathes out. The image of a frowning Chanyeol is suddenly blurry, and he only looks up when he hears Baekhyun sniffling.

He looks so tortured, and that makes Baekhyun want to cry even more, tears flowing before he can stop himself.  
"No, we can talk and figure something out, I promise that I'll try harder, just don't cry and don't-" Standing up, Chanyeol reaches for Baekhyun's cheeks with both hands, probably with the intention of wanting to wipe his boyfriend's tears away with his thumbs. But Baekhyun is having none of that right now, any longer and he won't be able to go anymore. He can't look at Chanyeol's devastated face any longer, eyes shining with tears that don't fall.

"...go." Finishing his sentence off uselessly, Chanyeol slumps down over the table after Baekhyun grabs his phone and wallet, slamming the door of the apartment shut on his way out. Tears only fall after Baekhyun leaves Chanyeol with a whole lot of questions and regrets, and a cup of warm tea that is quickly turning cold.

Somewhere further down, Baekhyun throws himself at Kyungsoo the moment he opens the door, no longer bothering to hide his tears.

//

It was a really stupid split-second decision, Baekhyun realizes, only a few minutes after he's calmed down. Kyungsoo has his hand on top of Baekhyun's, a weirdly familiar gesture. Now he's stuck with having to borrow clothes from Kyungsoo until god-knows when. Thank goodness, he's around the same size as Kyungsoo is, he thinks. He would never say that out loud though, not if he still wants somewhere to stay.

Work still goes on even if his heart is still broken. Smiling isn't as hard when his patients are this cute though.

"Joohyun, what do you think love is?" Baekhyun catches Jongin ask one day. He shouldn't be there eavesdropping, but he can't help but be curious about what she might say.

"Pooh." Of course. Baekhyun has to hold a hand over his mouth to muffle his chuckles. What else could he have expected from Joohyun?

Then, in a more serious tone, she continues. "I think love is when Daddy puts his work aside to comfort Mummy when she's crying. I've seen her cry before, probably over my expensive hospital bills or something." She's looking down again, and Baekhyun almost forgets that he's not supposed to be there when he takes a step forward, wanting to comfort her.

"Mummy also leaves breakfast at the table for Daddy when she has to leave early for work, because if not, he would skip breakfast and that's unhealthy."

Well, he and Chanyeol have done both of that in one way or another. Suddenly, Baekhyun finds him asking himself the question. What _is_ love?

//

Jongdae shares an apartment with Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun can't help but find it miraculous how Jongdae hasn't been kicked out yet. Everybody knows that Kyungsoo needs his own fair share of quiet as much as he works, as a way for him to recharge or something, and Jongdae is obviously anything but quiet.

Baekhyun observes the two of them without bothering to hide his interest in how they interact, sitting at one end of the sofa while Jongdae and Kyungsoo sat at the other end. Jongdae has his cheek pillowed on Kyungsoo's shoulder while he reads a magazine with rapt attention. Kyungsoo doesn't seem to mind the physical contact though, or maybe he just can't bring himself to care enough.

Just then, something funny happens on the programme that Jongdae is watching--or so Baekhyun thinks, because Jongdae is bursting out into laughter with his mouth this near to Kyungsoo's ear--and Kyungsoo winces slightly at the sudden burst of noise. Baekhyun would, too.

When Jongdae points out something, however, his human pillow actually takes his eyes away from his magazine long enough to pay attention to what Jongdae is saying, fixing his gaze on the television screen instead.

_Interesting._

//

As much as he loves his friends, however, Baekhyun can't help but feel like he's constantly walking on eggshells in this apartment. It has been a long time since he has had to interact with them on a daily basis--long time being when they were actually in college, because now all they do is meet up regularly for meals--and now he's unsure of where the boundaries are. Maybe Jongdae doesn't like people playing around with his piano anymore, or maybe Kyungsoo doesn't like how Baekhyun takes up space on the couch, space that could have been his or Jongdae's. He wouldn't know. Different things make different people tick, and because he is no longer familiar with what his friends are comfortable with, he feels anxious.

But more than that, he misses Chanyeol.

It's an experience; missing someone who was right next to you, and now missing the same person when he's no longer next to you.

Baekhyun used to think that it was not possible to miss someone who was right there beside you, but this, this is definitely possible. This being when he wakes up in the morning and turns over, expecting to be able to nuzzle his face against the crook of Chanyeol's neck, or when he's eating, and he can no longer tangle his legs with Chanyeol's long ones under the table.

The worst hits in the morning.

 

Groaning, Baekhyun covers his ears with his pillow and turns so that he is back facing the alarm clock.  
"Chanyeol, turn it off. It's too noisy," he says, voice gravelly from unuse while he slept.

When it continues ringing obnoxiously, he tries again. "Chanyeol, please? Turn it off, we'll be able to get more sleep that way."

A few seconds later.

"Chanyeol--" Baekhyun turns around, more than ready to shake his boyfriend awake if he isn't already, only to realize that he's actually alone. Reaching over, he turns the ringing clock off himself, silently, slowly. He had just called out for someone who might not even want to be there at all. How convenient of his mind to forget that.

Sighing, he drags himself out of bed to get ready for the day with lazier shuffles and a cup of coffee. One of the things he likes most about Jongdae and Kyungsoo's shared place is the fact that they have an instant coffee making machine. Baekhyun wants to say that he should buy one for his own place too, until he realizes that he's currently locked out of _his own place_.

An idea suddenly hits him, and it has Baekhyun praying that Lady Luck will suddenly take pity on him or something, because more than wanting to see his boyfriend, Baekhyun also needs his clothes; he can't keep wearing Kyungsoo's forever.

//

Chanyeol no longer hums or swings his keys around with a finger like he sometimes did when he was returning home, happy at the fact that he's finally able to get some rest, and that he'll have a cuddly and cute boyfriend at home waiting for him.

Said cute and cuddly boyfriend is currently Missing In Action; Chanyeol had called Baekhyun's parents, and a few of their other college friends including Jongdae and Kyungsoo just to ask if they were staying with him or if they knew where he was. He knew it was a bad decision the moment Baekhyun's mother started asking after their relationship. Chanyeol didn't want someone chasing after him with a knife, hoping for him to _make it up to her son_ somehow for breaking her child's heart after three years of being together if he could help it, thanks.

Simply unlocking the door, Chanyeol enters the apartment the same moment he sees a figure come out of his--or should he say _their_ \--room. It has already been a week since anyone else has entered their apartment, and Chanyeol is thrown off when he sees someone moving around that isn't _him_.

Baekhyun seems to be as scared as him though, if the way he froze with his bags was any indication. They're both looking at each other with widened eyes and short breaths now, unable to even say anything when they still have so much to clear up.

After Chanyeol manages to get over the shock of seeing someone else--more specifically _Baekhyun_ \--in the apartment, he starts.

"Baekhyun--" Said man jumps, clutching the bags in his hands more tightly. That seemed to have brought him out of his trance, as Baekhyun runs at a speed Chanyeol has never seen him go at before.

And it hurts to think that he's only running because he wants to run away from him.

Fixing his gaze at one spot of the house, Chanyeol takes a few seconds to breathe and keep the tears from coming in before he closes his door, the same one Baekhyun had just desperately run out of, and sits himself down on the couch.

 _At least, he had bothered_ , Chanyeol comforts himself with. That was why he had purposely left Baekhyun's copy of the keys under the _Welcome_ mat afterall, for Baekhyun to enter if he decided to try his luck. Maybe he was expecting a little too much when he hoped to also catch him while he was in the apartment, so that they can sit down and finish their talk from the other day.

Chanyeol buries his face into his hands as he is once again left alone in the apartment, by the same man, who ran the same way out of the door, _away from him_.

//

"I know you're taking some sort of break right now, but have you ever thought about a _proper_ break? Like taking a few days off work to go out or something?" Kyungsoo says after sitting himself down on the couch next to Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn't know what to feel about the fact that that's the first thing he chose to say to Baekhyun after returning home, not _How was your day?_ or _Have you eaten?_. He can only feel thankful that Kyungsoo didn't mention that he's taking a break from _that_ relationship.

Baekhyun looked over, trying to see if he's able to weasel himself out of replying, but the look on Kyungsoo's face clearly tells him that he's having none of that. He hadn't even told him that he was going to go back to their shared apartment, see if he could sneak in, because Kyungsoo would just call him foolish.

Just then, Kyungsoo looks down, then back up at Baekhyun's face.

"That's not mine," he says, pointing at the hoodie that Baekhyun is wearing.

Baekhyun looks down and freezes. That's not his either.

It's Chanyeol's favourite hoodie. And Baekhyun had so conveniently packed it along with his other with his other shirts. They had gotten so used to each other wearing the other's shirts that it didn't matter anymore; even they were confused as to whose pants it could be sometimes. It suddenly mattered now, because Baekhyun's in his pathetic phase of Missing-Chanyeol-but-Wanting-Him-Back, even though he was the one who proposed this much needed break some days ago.

He is sure he has definitely hit a new low with this one.

"It's Chanyeol's. I went back." Baekhyun admits, eyes shifting away and fingers fiddling with the hem of the oversized hoodie.

"You went back? Did you see him? Did you guys talk?"

"I ran away," Baekhyun replies, voice softer.

"You _what?_ " Baekhyun is almost sure that Kyungsoo had heard it, and he's only making him repeat it for him to realize how stupid he is himself.

"I ran away," he repeats, voice louder this time. He sees Kyungsoo open his mouth, obviously about to question his decision, and he can't help but want to cut him off. "I just didn't want him to know that I'm like this, okay!"

Kyungsoo would know that despite Baekhyun still managing to get to work on time, spend time with his patients and telling the children jokes whenever he can, eating his meals right, he misses Chanyeol like no other. It's more justified now that he doesn't actually have Chanyeol next to him.

Pulling at the sleeves so that his arms are fully hidden in the hoodie, Baekhyun snuggles back against the back of the couch, allowing himself to drown in the comfy material. It's probably unhealthy, how his heart could physically hurt whenever he realizes how far he is from Chanyeol, and how much time he spends missing his boyfriend. Why can't doctors cure themselves of their own love sickness?

"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo sighs, moving closer to envelope him in this half-hug thing, his way of trying to comfort someone, probably. And it works, because Baekhyun immediately melts into his side, missing the physical contact he used to get from living with his boyfriend. He now clutches at the blankets in place of a warm figure that used to be there. "Take some time off and go on a trip. You need it. You need to be away from work, away from him. Figure things out."

He had never realized how much his world revolved around Chanyeol, until Chanyeol is gone; one could probably say that Baekhyun has lost his world too. Which is why he is so desperately trying to spend more time at work with his children, for they are the next things he cares most about past his relationship.

However, they need to sleep too--something Baekhyun now needs lesser of since being in bed would only remind him of how lonely he is now, incomplete without his other half to complete him both physically and spiritually.

10\. Baekhyun is positively confused.

Kyungsoo was the one who told him to go on a trip, get away from everything, so why is he frowning in disapproval when Baekhyun finally broke the news to him?

“You’re planning your trip to places where you and Chanyeol used to frequent? That doesn’t sound like a break from him at all.” 

“This is my last try, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun sighs, slinging his small bag over this shoulder as he walked towards the door. He had taken a two-day leave, positive that two days would be enough.

//

"One caramel macchiato, please." Baekhyun says without even looking up when it's his turn, trying to fish out his wallet to pay before the people behind him in the queue start cursing him out for wasting their time.  
"Oh hey, it's you," he suddenly hears, voice familiar and characteristically pleasant. "How have you been, Baekhyun-ssi? You're not here with Chanyeol today?"

Instead of freezing up like he expected himself to, Baekhyun simply shakes his head with a small smile on his lips, handing the ash over when Joonmyun reached out for it. "I've been fine, and Chanyeol has work today."

"Really? He stopped by just not long ago though." 

Baekhyun blinked, looking down at his watch for the time. It's already one p.m., Chanyeol should have reported to the office long ago. "He should have work though?"

"Well he told me he took a day off to do some things. Tie up some loose ends, he said? Not sure of what he was talking about though." Nodding, Baekhyun moves to the side to wait for his drink after he collects his change, tempted to text Chanyeol about his plans for the day. Then, he realises that even though this day is technically about him and Chanyeol, he was supposed to take a break from him, and that, in Kyungsoo's terms, meant _no contact_.

"Chanyeol mentions you sometimes, says that he misses coming here with you," Joonmyun offhandedly mentions. Baekhyun has to strain a little to catch what he says, the customers' collective talking making it harder to hear. 

“Really?” And it sucks, having to pretend like that didn’t send a pang of _something_ through his heart, at the thought of Chanyeol missing him like he is, or possibly missing him even more than Baekhyun does.  
“Yeah, I think all of us here have been subjected to at least one of his stories about the two of you before,” Joonmyun chuckles, adding whipped cream to the top of Baekhyun’s drink before capping it, serving it just how he knows Baekhyun likes it. 

Kyungsoo had frowned even more when he saw that Baekhyun packed some documents along with him for his _healing_ trip, but Baekhyun simply dismissed it as him just generally disapproving of whatever Baekhyun has been doing for this period of time, even if he was supporting it _on the surface_. Taking leave doesn’t mean that he’s quit his job, and he definitely has a pile of work waiting for him, he’s just scraping at the surface of it for now.

He didn’t say anything about it though, and Baekhyun is just starting to think that this day might be better than expected when he sits down and starts reading through his documents, cup of coffee in the other hand.

A few hours later, Baekhyun has replied to most of the e-mails that were piling up in his inbox, finished his coffee, and is almost done reading his last document. Looking up to give his eyes a break from looking at all those words, Baekhyun sees that him and Chanyeol’s favourite spot has been taken by another couple. They look pretty good for each other, Baekhyun would say. He doesn’t even realize that there’s a wistful smile on his face until Joonmyun suddenly comes into view, effectively stopping him from staring at how the couple was getting affectionate with each other, something Baekhyun has been missing.

“What are you doing?” There’s a slight tilt at the corner of Joonmyun’s lips, and Baekhyun recognizes that expression as amusement, returning the smile with one of his own.

“Nothing. Just thinking. Don’t you have work to do?” He frowns. The café should be busy around this time, yet a look around the café tells Baekhyun otherwise.

“Nah. Business has slowed down lately, I’m about to go for my break now, actually,” says Joonmyun. “How are things between you and Chanyeol?”

Sometimes Baekhyun forgets just how many mutual friends they share until situations like these pop up. Swallowing, he keeps the smile on his face—instead, he tugs the corner of his lips higher, eyes scrunching up slightly even if light is missing from them. 

“We’re fine, just busy.”

Something in Joonmyun’s face shows him that he doesn’t believe Baekhyun entirely, and Baekhyun doesn’t doubt that his lie is obvious, not with how Chanyeol has evidently been frequenting this place, talking to Joonmyun about things all without Baekhyun’s knowledge."

Joonmyun! You’re still not going for lunch? Soojung is about to knock off soon!” Joonmyun is instantly cut off from what he was about to say when his co-worker walks over to rush him further, and he goes after Baekhyun makes a half-hearted promise about meeting up after work some time to catch up properly.

He takes it as his sign to leave too, quickly finishing the reading of his document before he bid goodbye to the workers that he knew, exiting the café faster than he ever has. 

 

It's the most cliché place ever for a confession, Baekhyun knew that, Chanyeol knew that too. Not that it really stopped Chanyeol from planning this back then. 

Chanyeol was more adventurous than Baekhyun could ever hope to be, but he did appreciate an occasional thrill from time to time. Baekhyun had no idea what made Chanyeol think that bringing him to a place like an _amusement park_ would be a good idea, but he finds himself visiting the same place that started their relationship anyway, greeted by children screaming and jolly music.

It’s the last place of the day before his trip is over. Heaving a loud sigh as he looked around, Baekhyun set out to look for the rides that were marked down on his map, determined to make it through all of them.

 

Rollercoasters prove to be harder without Chanyeol’s hand to hold, and the carousel felt more like a ride to work even with all the decorations around. All the joy makes him feel just a little bit more miserable that he’s here without someone’s hand to hold, without someone to lean against. He’s still making through all the rides fine though, and he thinks that’s something he should reward himself for.

Almost everywhere he goes, he’s hit with a memory of him being at that place with Chanyeol before. His plan has definitely worked, but it has only made him miss his boyfriend even more. His boyfriend, who is probably lounging around at home right now while Baekhyun is doing all the pining.

 

Baekhyun soon finds out that visiting an amusement park alone isn't fun at all, choosing to sit down in one of the restaurants to nurse another cup of coffee while he people-watches. 

Just right in front of him was the very place where Chanyeol had asked him to be his boyfriend.

There were the flowers--that Baekhyun was sadly actually allergic to--the balloons, and that unsure, yet hopeful smile on Chanyeol's face. 

The balloons soon flew away in Chanyeol's haste to envelope Baekhyun in his arms, but Baekhyun would never forget what colour they were, how Chanyeol's laugh sounded and how warm he was in that moment. If he squints hard enough, he can almost replay the exact scene in his head, can almost see how Chanyeol's red hair back then was as bright as the balloon was and how everyone around them stopped to stare. That was a few years ago, and things have changed so much now. 

They are no longer as carefree as they were back then--outings turned into short lunches, soon lunches turned into occasional dinners, and dinners turned into brief greetings whenever they got home.

Shaking his head in an attempt to push those thoughts away, Baekhyun got up and left the restaurant, heading towards one of the souvenir shops before he went home.

Blue, white, red, and green. A bunch of colours that didn’t look good together back then, and still don’t look good together now. Baekhyun couldn’t even bring himself to laugh at Chanyeol’s lack of colour sense, definitely not when said guy is standing a few metres away from him, holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand.  
It feels surreal, so surreal that Baekhyun has to blink a few times to make sure that that _is_ Chanyeol, standing in front of him with a bouquet of flowers while he stood there with a handful of colourful balloons in hand.

Chanyeol looks better than Baekhyun last remembered him to be, his hair now combed back neatly and shirt ironed properly, not a single thing out of place. Baekhyun tries not to think about how it might be because Chanyeol is here with someone else, here at the place where they first started with someone that isn’t him, having fun with someone that isn’t him. 

“I am allergic to flowers,” Baekhyun suddenly blurts out before he slaps a hand over his mouth, mentally groaning at his own lack of a filter. The flowers probably aren’t meant for him at all—maybe Chanyeol has someone he’s visiting later, or maybe he’s buying them to cheer someone up. He hasn’t even seen Chanyeol for close to a week, why would Chanyeol buy him flowers out of the blue?

“I know. These are fake ones,” and that smile is back on Chanyeol’s face again. The unsure, yet hopeful one, though Baekhyun doesn’t know what he’s hoping for this time. 

“What are you doing here, anyway? You can barely take rollercoasters without squeezing the life out of my hand.” And there it is, the way Chanyeol seems to pick things right up from where they left off, as if nothing happened at all. 

“I missed you.” This time Baekhyun knows that he meant it, and it definitely wasn’t him and his lack of filter again. Chanyeol seems surprised, if his rounded eyes are anything to go by, probably at how Baekhyun didn’t play along with his game of acting like everything has been fine, like they haven’t been miserable staying away from each other.

“I missed you too,” Chanyeol finally says after a few seconds of silence, looking at Baekhyun with fondness, like he wants to pull Baekhyun close and run his fingers through his hair. Baekhyun wants to tell him that _he_ is the one who wants to do those things and so much more, make up for the time they had lost trying to get back together on their own. 

“What are _you_ doing here? You’re supposed to be working today, right?” 

“Technically we’re supposed to be working every day, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol brings his arms down, the bouquet of flowers along with them, and Baekhyun lets his eyes follow that action instead of looking at Chanyeol’s face. “I took leave.”

“Or so I’ve heard. What loose ends were you going to tie up?” Baekhyun is so afraid that it was their relationship, and that tying this loose end meant the end of it. If anything, after today, he’s only more sure of what he wanted to do after this short break they’re having. 

“It was an excuse. I just wanted to take a day off and go to the places that we’ve been to before, revisit our memories—“

“—and see if there was anything worth salvaging?” It’s Baekhyun’s turn to look hopeful now, that he and Chanyeol are actually on the same page, that they both have the same realizations after thinking and going through the same thing together.

Chanyeol nods, wordlessly thrusting the bouquet of flowers into Baekhyun’s hands. “I chose this place last because it was the most special one. I still remember how badly you sneezed when I gave you those real flowers back then, so these had to be fake.”

“And I wanted to give these to you even though I still feel like you could have chosen better colours.” There’s a slight glint in Baekhyun’s eyes as he jokes, handing the balloons over while he receives the flowers, holding them close to his chest. 

 

Later, when Baekhyun leans against Chanyeol as they watch the final parade together, he finally feels as jolly as the songs sound. For the first time in a long time, he feels—knows, that things are going to change for the better.

**Author's Note:**

> Mods' Notes: During the duration of BAE2016, we're kindly asking you to leave your reviews on [Livejournal](http://baeconandeggs.livejournal.com/33518.html). Thank you for reading!♥


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